May 2, 2014 by Marj Hatzell
This post was actually begun months ago but I’ve been combing through the pages of drafts I started and never finished, looking for things I should post. I felt like this one was somewhat worthy. So enjoy it. Or don’t. I’m a delicate flower so just don’t tell me if you didn’t like it, mmkay?
Occasionally I’m able to meet my friends for a cup of coffee at our local shop. It’s this neat little hipster place directly across the street from our hippie college, with mellow music, comfy couches, and local artwork hanging on the walls. It’s the perfect place to park on a rainy day when I need a change of scenery and have to get things done on the computer or fill out paperwork. Sometimes I’ll even go early when I’m supposed to meet my friends just so I can sit and listen and clear my head.
For some reason I can actually write something while I am sitting there, regardless of how bogged down I feel. I’ve sat here day after day at home the past two weeks, staring at the screen and leaving frustrated without a word written. And if I do write something it’s disjointed and random and boring and I never publish it. Or at least I think it is. Y’all would no doubt be all IT R GUD POST and shiz.
It’s not for lack of blog fodder, y’all know my life is never boring. I’m just weary. I’m weary of my mundane existence at the present time. I feel sort of stuck in this endless loop of exhaustion, being overwhelmed with everything on my plate. The only things I can eliminate from my life are the only two things I enjoy doing. But they do have a price. They do create stress in my life, at the expense of my mental health. And since I’m already stretched about as thin as is possible, I’m struggle with the fairness of directing my attentions elsewhere when it comes to my family. They deserve my full attention.
I could cut back on the babysitting but I know I’m needed and it is something I enjoy. It’s only a few hours a week (like ten? Maybe?) and it doesn’t really create much chaos. I mean, my house is already chaotic. What’s another kid or two, right?
I could cut back on the PTO stuff. And I’d like to, but I know it’s a way I can get to know the staff at the boys’ schools. I also know that Bugaboo’s school NEEDS parents to raise money for things the school doesn’t provide (and cannot provide) such as music,yoga, and other therapies..
I could cut back on the amount of social events I attend.
You know, I attend SO MANY SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS. Yes, that was sarcasm. As in, I was being facetious. HAHAHA!!! Social events! I had you going, didn’t I! Just a little? No? Well then. Fine. Just pretend. It will make me feel better.
Anywho, I’m just weary. I’m tired. I’m plum worn out. I know it’s something I’ve complained about for, oh, thirteen years? But I’m worried that this long-term sleep deprivation is going to catch up to me. I’m worried that this level of exhaustion is going to begin to have long-term effects on my health. Not to be melancholy and be all WOE IS ME but it’s what I’m dealing with right now.
The good news is that things seem to be steady. The boys are doing well and making progress. Tons of progress. So much progress it feels as though I’m dreaming. Don’t pinch me. That hurts.
Anywho, My family is in good health. We miss my parents terribly but we made it through these holidays without them. The second anniversary of my father’s death and the first anniversary of my mother’s came and went. While I was sad and it was difficult, I didn’t come completely unhinged. So hooray for progress, right?