November 15, 2012 by Marj Hatzell

The other day I read some of my old posts. I was funnier a couple of years ago. I was also seriously sleep deprived, depressed and having panic attacks. Huh. Wonder what the connection is there. Weeeeeeird.

Looking back at the seven years I’ve been writing (or not writing) this blog, I noticed that each and every spring and fall I have a tough time with the Bug Boys. It’s still not known if this is because I am having a rough time or if it is truly because THEY have a rough time. Suffice to say, Sucktober is over, buh bye, don’t let the door hit you in the ass! Every change of seasons/equinox is like this. The weeks or days leading up to time change and seasonal change are marked by lack of sleep, major and minor crises (such as seizures, bipolar swings and other medical fun) allergy issues and school struggles. I wish I could figure it out but I pretty much operate in survival mode. I explain it this way: The bare minimum gets done, I keep us afloat and we get through it. It’s truly exhausting but we get through it.

Huh. Just realized something. We go away around those times of year. Because we’re so freaking worn out. Three or four days of sleeping and eating can do wonders for recharging my energizer bunny batteries, you know?

Anywho, we’re on the other side now and I’m looking back at this past year. This past spring was, at best, the darkest and most difficult time I’ve had as a parent. Bug Boy’s OCD was so bad his hands were ripped to shreds and he had to wear gloves for months. Neither boy was making much progress because we couldn’t get the basics under control. I was actually considering a possible in-patient hospitalization for Bugaboo at one point because the meltdowns and aggression and self-injury was at an all time (scary) high.

I don’t miss it at all.

This fall wasn’t quite so bad but we definitely had some tweaking to do. Med adjustments and whatnot. I know that allergies play a HUGE role in their behavior and well-being. In fact, when Bug Boy is in ranting mode, after about a week of it I’m all, “DUDE. Do you have fluid in your ears?” And he’ll be all, “MOM! I’ve been telling you that for a week(he hadn’t)!” So yeah. Health certainly plays a key role. Especially Bugaboo and his tummy.

The good news is we’re back in a good groove. Both IEPs done in a few weeks time (PHEW), conferences, meetings, doctor visits and we’re squared away for a few months.

The best part?

I’m sleeping. And more importantly, Bugaboo is sleeping. No, do not adjust your glasses. HE IS FLIPPING SLEEPING. I know, right? It’s the most fabulous feeling in the world, this “rested” thing. I’ve been better all around. Less stressed, less depressed, more active, completing housework and other projects and feeling like a human being again. I could get used to this stuff. And he’s been better, too. We’re all better. We’re all sleeping better as a result. Life is grand.

We don’t have floors yet, my backyard is a mudpit, I’ve gained some weight and I miss my Dad but the good news is we’re doing ok.

I feel….normal. Good. Awesome. Fabulous. Hopeful. Relaxed. I can breathe…

….and exhale.

8 thoughts on “Exhale

  1. RuthWells says:

    I’m so glad you’re back on an even (ish) keel. Yay, you!

  2. Jim Reeve says:

    It’s strange because the lunar cycle seems to affect my son too. His behaviour is always less desirable during a seasonal change or full moon. Anyway, it’s good to hear that you’ve made it through a tough month, so I hope this month is better.

  3. It’s so good to feel almost human, isn’t it? So glad he’s sleeping now. That makes a huge difference!

    We go through cycles as well at my house. My son’s behavior problems always peak just about this time of year and go through the winter. Something to do with cold weather? Not getting outside as much at school? Daylight savings time being over? I have no idea. So I’m all kinds of crazy for the next few months. Whee.

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