Dream, Dream, Dream


September 29, 2012 by Marj Hatzell

I actually had a dream last night!  For realz, even!  See, I managed to get 4 straight hours, uninterrupted  before the Bugaboo woke up. Then he stayed awake until 5:30, just as I was downing my first cup of. Which meant I couldn’t fall back to sleep because I was hopped up on coke tea.

These late night parties have grown more and more frequent and it is starting to take its toll on our entire family. Even the dogs. They get confused and think it’s time to go out and chase squirrels. Bug Boy stirs awake and is bleary-eyed when it’s time to get up for school. The Guy I Live With has taken to sleeping on the couch. Bugaboo and I hunker down in our bedroom, where he can watch tv, eat snacks, drink his juice and take as many showers as his little heart desires. I’ve gotten it down to a science, y’all.

Bugaboo has had his ups and down the past few weeks. I feel like we’re getting close from a behavior standpoint but this exhaustion, HOLY CRUD, y’all. I can’t keep my eyes open for a second. I’m sooooooo tired. I have been getting naps but naps don’t make up for regular, uninterrupted sleep. Which is what I need desperately. Yeah, I know, you are tired of hearing about it. But that’s my life. It pretty much revolves around Bugaboo and his sleep schedule. (Oh, thank FSM our Sleep-and-Eat weekend comes up soon!)

I think the thing that messes me up the most is the fact that if I am SLEEPING during the day, I’m CLEARLY not getting anything else accomplished. I fight off those pangs of guilt that tell me I’m wasting time or could be doing ______________ (insert chore I haven’t done on a regular basis in six months here). I know, I know, I need to sleep! The house work can wait!  Except the house work ALWAYS waits. It never gets done. EVER. I dusted yesterday for the first time in __________ (insert amount of time I’m embarrassed to tell you about here).

I’m stuck in survival mode. Doing what I have to do to in order to eke by another day, another week, another month. Lather, rinse, repeat. A friend stated the other day that she was concerned with the effects of this lack of sleep on my overall health. Yep. Me, too. But honestly, there isn’t much we can do, besides tweak Bugaboo’s meds. And I’ll keep grabbing sleep whenever and wherever I am able.

Also? I will be 40 in a month. As in, forty-freaking-years-old. I don’t know how I feel about that.

3 thoughts on “Dream, Dream, Dream

  1. Bec Oakley says:

    Hmm. Maybe all this IS a dream, and somewhere in another dimension you’re tucked up cozy having 8 hours of blissful uninterrupted sleep 🙂

    I so remember the sleep deprivation. It’s close to actual torture, it becomes all you can think about in that one moment of unfuzzy thinking you have each day. It’s easy to say don’t worry about the housework but you DO worry about it, because every time you look at it it’s a reminder of the fact that you’re in survival mode. But you are surviving. You’re being sensible. So maybe every time you see the pile of stuff to be done, see it as a reminder that you’re smart, you’re doing the best you can, and you’re making it through.

  2. Sleep. That’s it. It’s the only reasonable solution. The chores can wait. I remember the depths of sleep deprivation well. It’s just cruel. Wishing you more dreams!

  3. You are doing the very best you can in the situation you are in! Take it from an insomniac who has spent many bleary eyed days on her couch: you need to take care of you. Housework can wait. Sleep, even naps as opposed to nighttime sleep is so very important. Perhaps he’d like some of my ambien (perhaps you would too)?

    I was a one on one associate for a little girl who had major sleep issues for three years (I was the associate for three years, I mean). I know what her parents went through, and I remember how they felt because they were so sleep deprived! After a lot of trial and error, they were able to get the different meds that they had her on (for her ADD and other issues, as well as for sleep) balanced out so that she would sleep more than a couple of hours a night! I hope that you are eventually able to find something that works for you too, whatever it may be, so that multiple people in your house can sleep soundly.

    I hope that you have more dreams, and more sleep, and if you get more sleep, you’ll have more dreams… see where I’m going with this? Your kids are very lucky to have a Mom who really goes all out to meet their needs. And we on the internets are very lucky to enjoy your awesome sense of humor!

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