It All Kinda Gets Mixed Around in my Brain


June 5, 2012 by Marj Hatzell

The past few days I have been sitting at this computer, staring at the screen and nothign comes out.

Where do I start?

What do  I start with?

There’s so much going on I don’t even know how to put two words together. But I’ll try.

My sister-in-law had a pulmonary embolism, My father died from a devastating illness, My sister-in-law was in the hospital again with the PE,  I had a wicked viral infection and ear infection, my mother was in the hospital several times and had some major health issues, Luke’s OCD flared up, Ian had a major bipolar crisis and seizure behavior, I herniated two discs in my back, I had shingles. I’d say that’s enough for a while, wouldn’t you?

But wait, there’s more!

Last weekend we went to the cabin to try to escape. Bugaboo has been having issues with transitions but he had a super-long weekend ahead of him (off Friday through Wednesday) and we needed to do SOMETHING. So naturally, I prepared him, showed him pictures, talked to him about it. He got in the car and pointed to pictures of the lake. He was happy to go.

Then we got there and he refused to go in. Screamed and cried. We went out to dinner after opening it up. He refused to go in again. I had to hold him in bed until he dozed off. Let’s just say the weekend went downhill from there.

My husband was pressure washing the cabin (don’t ask) and while the boys, dogs and I went on hikes and discovered wildlife (and rattle snakes. No, really) and took pictures, my husband slipped off the ladder and it flew up and struck him in the face. Needless to say,we took it as a sign and high-tailed it home on Sunday even though we could have stayed an extra day.

The Guy I Live With felt like total crud for the next few days and after some prodding (read: nit-picking)I took him to the doctor. Diagnosis?

Grade 2 Concussion. I just can’t make this stuff up.

And later that day, after he slept for six hours, he woke up and said his back itched.

Do you see where this is going?

Yep. Shingles. Back to the doc we went that very night, she confirmed, he started on the meds immediately. He was out of work the rest of the week, miserable with pain, headaches, itching and the whole nine yards. And, because he never had chicken pox as a child, but his titers showed he was at least exposed to it at some point, he has a wicked-bad case of them. From his back all the way around to his stomach. Go us.

Then my Sister-in-law was hospitalized AGAIN because she was hella sick and dehydrated and ended up staying a few days. Which meant I had the three-year-old. And I love him but I had a busy week last week but we made it work and he had a good time going to the pool and hanging at my house.

But Bugaboo wasn’t sleeping AT ALL. Like, two hours at most for the week.

Then Friday was the fifth grade pool party. I was helping. Until my cohort was stricken with the stomach flu and I ended up running it. With the husband at home sick in bed. And the three-year-old in tow. And there was a threat of rain.

Major threat.

And I was going on two hours of sleep.

And twenty-six pizzas were ordered and on their way.

And we managed to get the party in. Except a kid got kinda confuzzled and thought he HAD to take the swim test and almost drowned (he speaks English as a second language and didn’t quite understand it was only for the deep end).

Bug Boy sulked the whole time and played with no one. And I had to break up a bit of an argument between some boys who were picking on another very vulnerable boy.

And that broke my heart.

When it was all over, Bugaboo came home from school and was in the “No, I’m not going to the pool and I sure as heck ain’t leaving the house” moods. Which meant our weekend plans? Not happening. But he did at least sit for a haircut. Even though he screeched the whole way there.

Did I mention my husband has a concussion? Yeah. That didn’t go well.

And here I am, staring at the screen, wondering where to start. And if you want to hear it again.

Because it all sounds so very familiar, doesn’t it? And then it all goes up to my head and I just sit there watching the world spin.

I used to be fun. Honest.

15 thoughts on “It All Kinda Gets Mixed Around in my Brain

  1. Okay. I’m sorry but that does NOT sound familiar, even for you.

    But I AM sorry. So very sorry.

  2. akbutler says:

    I am very very sorry too. That’s all too much for one person. One family.

  3. Karyn M says:

    I’m so sorry Marj. I have felt lately like whoever is up there shoveling the “challenges”down on us to “make us stronger” has been shoveling the wrong pile and way too much of it on me. Eclipses, zombies….it’s all too much. I’m so sorry thing have been so tough, even for you this seems way too much. Don’t know what else to say except I know everyone is pulling for you and sending you no-more-hurt vibes and healing and sleeping and peace vibes.

  4. Kristin says:

    I’m so sorry. That’s just not right- it is WAY too much to deal with. I’m amazed you are even sitting upright. Sending all positive thoughts that things get better, and soon.

  5. punkymama says:

    I am so sorry…That is way too much…excuse me while I go off and have ptsd

  6. I’ll take honest over fun. You’ve earned a pass. I’d crawl back in bed.

  7. Autismum says:

    Oh, lovely, here are some big cwtches xxxxx

  8. She Started It says:

    I’m sorry. That’s just too much too handle at once. Actually, it’s too much to handle in a year.
    Hope things get easier soon!

  9. Heather says:

    OMG! You have got to get a break soon. I hope things get nice, quiet and boring with lots of healthy people soon.

  10. kantal113 says:

    Love and light to you and your family. I hope things start looking up for you. xoxo

  11. aidanmama says:

    whoa. (said in Matrix era Keanu Reeves voice). um, Karma, if you’re listening, can we please move on to another target? Hang in there…just think, now that you have been through all this, i hear you are granted special superhero powers…at least, I hope so, because you most certainly deserve it! At the very least I would say you already have super strength!!!!

  12. Bec Oakley says:

    Wow, that must’ve been a whole bag load of kitties you ran over.

    I used to wonder why bad things happened to good people, then I realised that they probably happen to bad people too but we just don’t care. Look at all these people who care! Must mean you’re good people 🙂

  13. the life you choose says:

    That last comment is my quote of the day. (meaning I am stealing it and pretending I made it up :))
    What a wonderful thing to say – and a wonderful way to say it.
    I am sorry you are having such a shit time.
    You are good people. You deserve better.

  14. RED says:

    Sending hugs and prayers that the sleepless one SLEEPS and allows you and your guy and the other little guy to sleep for a really long time too 🙂 .

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