So This is What IT Feels Like!


April 30, 2012 by Marj Hatzell

I know that sometimes life is one of those “be careful what you wish for” experiences.

For example, I was never, EVER what anyone would describe as a patient person. NO WAY. NO HOW. And then I had my kids. Let’s just say I’m learning TONS of patience these days.

Another thing I always wished for? ” Normal” days. You know, so I could feel like everyone else? Or pretend to be like everyone else? The thing is, I’ll never have “normal.” I’ll only have our version of “normal.” Which, incidentally, is CHAOTIC, LOUD AND OVERSTIMULATED. Yes, I’m aware I’m shouting. I’m illustrating a point!

The past few months have been anything BUT normal.  Since the day we drove home from vacation last July/August my life has been in total, constant upheaval. And the lives of everyone close to me. See, that was the day my sister called to tell me my Dad was being kept in the hospital. They thought he had some sort of blockage that turned out to be the dreaded C-word. And it all went downhill from there. From December on there’s been one gigantic thunderstorm over my house, complete with torrential downpours and knee-deep mud (figuratively speaking) and y’all know how much I LERVE mud and rainstorms.

I’m finally starting to see glimpses of light here and there. Since we spiraled out of control a few months ago and both boys were in serious crisis mode (AND I MEAN SERIOUS, YO) we’ve been clawing our way back out of the Pit of Despair. Little by little we’re winning tiny battles here and there and we’re getting our boys back. We’ve come a long way in a few short months. We’ve learned new things about their health and we’re trying new things to maintain their health.

Like witchcraft. And magic. (that was me being ironical)

But seriously, I feel like we’re in a good place. Oodles of doctor’s appointments, therapy appointments and prescriptions later, I can happily say, “SO THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!”

We didn’t just get improvement, y’all. We now have major changes. I feel like my boys are the little men they were destined to be. I’m seeing progress I’ve never seen in such a short amount of time. They are HAPPY. They SMILE and LAUGH. They SLEEP!  OH THEY SLEEEEEEEP!  And I feel like we’re enjoying family life again, instead of dreading every morning and evening and constantly walking on eggshells.

I know things will ebb and flow and I’m totally down with that. But this?

This feeling is amazing.

I feel like  we have our boys back. And our family back. I’m so happy I could cry.

This weekend Bugaboo was happy and calm. No bathroom accidents, very independent, he even climbed into bed with The Guy I Live With on Saturday night. Voluntarily. You know, the kid who hasn’t gone upstairs in three months unless forced or carried sound asleep? Yep. Him. And when I went up to bed I was able to get him to stumble into his room half asleep. BUT! THERE’S MORE!  He’s been in such a happy mood. He’s been completing small jobs around the house, has been eating much better, trying new foods and all around just a cheerful little guy. Sunday I got really brave and decided to take him to a local street fair. You know, parade, live acts, music on three stages, CHAOS, NOISE, HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE. We brought the wheelchair stroller and the iPad for reinforcements but we didn’t need them.

That kid walked around for two hours in utter chaos. With no problems. TWO. HOURS. PEOPLE. Unheard of!  We enjoyed ourselves! I was able to stop and chat with friends!  And Bug Boy brought his friend with us and they were able to walk around and do what they wanted to do (which was, hold onto their money and not spend anything).

When we got back home Bugaboo hibernated a little on the couch but then ventured outside a little at a time. He ate an awesome dinner. Then he used the bathroom successful, took a shower with little-to-no whining and ENJOYED IT. He played in the water and sang to himself. Then he got dressed and climbed into bed. ON HIS OWN.

And he woke up this morning and ate breakfast and got on the bus with nary a whimper.

And Bug Boy woke up, showered and got ready for school without one grumpy moment. Not one snide remark or dramatic moment.

People, is this what it’s like? IS THIS WHAT NORMAL FEELS LIKE?

Because I could seriously get used to this, yo.

5 thoughts on “So This is What IT Feels Like!

  1. Jeff says:

    Sweetness!!! This is awesome news!

  2. Lizbeth says:

    That’s awesome. Pure awesome.

  3. Bec Oakley says:

    Yay! How cool is it that you’re getting yourself some happy. Even cooler that you can take a moment to stop and smell the happy. Er, that didn’t sound right…

  4. kantal113 says:

    Wonderful news! We have a new normal here too. The 8yo is finally daytime potty trained AND he sleeps all night most nights! GAH! It feels fantastic to not be woken up 2-6 times a night. So great!
    Hooray for improvements and change!

  5. […] and play. I KNOW he shouldn’t be sitting at home with a blanket over his head, playing the ipad for hours. We’re really struggling. But when he jumps around the house and has his little collections […]

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