One Man, Errrrr, WOMAN Wolf Pack


February 9, 2012 by Marj Hatzell

You know, before I had kids I never, ever wanted to be alone. I despised it. I grew up in a large family so noise, chaos and people around constantly were all I knew. Even if no one was home there was a cat or dog or bird or hamster to keep us company.  Preferably a dog.

When I moved out and married The Guy I Live With it was more of the same. I didn’t like being alone. I didn’t want to go home to a empty house. We had a cat for a short time (who crawled off and died, and I am totally not a cat person but cried when this damn cat died. Dammit) and when she kicked the bucket I finally relented and let The Guy I Live With get a dog. I had dogs my whole life, I knew how much work they could be and even though I loved them, I wasn’t sure we were ready. Enter Shad Roe the Wonder Dog.

I was pregnant a month later.

I haven’t been alone since, really.

The funniest part about it is I have finally learned to be Alone. It took me several years to realize why I didn’t want to be “alone.” Except I don’t consider it being alone. I consider it being with myself.

Why didn’t I like being “with myself?” I was afraid of my own thoughts. Being by myself meant I had to THINK about things.

I am easily distracted and have ADHD (NO! YOU DON’T SAY) and being alone meant I had to organize things or else I couldn’t function. Ha! ORGANIZE! HAHAHA!

Flash forward a few years. I loooooove to be by/with myself. Love it. As in, cherish IT, count the moments until I can have IT. Mourn on Fridays when IT disappears, happy to see IT again on Monday morning.

What inspired this change? Not sure if it was having kids (not so likely) or having special kids (pretty sure this is the answer right here) but I learned to cherish the quiet moments, to enjoy the sound of the clock ticking or the snoring dog. I learned to enjoy the sound of silence. I learned to be fine with my thoughts and to process them. I learned to argue with myself but if I go out in public that kinda scares people so I try not to do that so often. Just sayin’.

Especially fun? Shopping with  myself. Because no one wants to shop with me anymore. Ahem.

Anyways, I have a few hours to myself today and I plan on using them verrrrrry wisely. It’s Friday, which is like my Monday. Except I get Monday through Friday rolled into two days, times ten with a remainder of three, etc, etc and the real Monday is my Friday and then I want to sleep for a few days. Until my Monday. Know what I mean? Confused?

Yeah. Me, too.


5 thoughts on “One Man, Errrrr, WOMAN Wolf Pack

  1. I’ll go shopping with you. I miss shopping at my Kohl’s up there.

  2. Dawn says:

    as an only child, i cherish EVERY GODDAMN MOMENT i have to myself. I finally set up my studio a few years ago just so i would have a place that is husband/child/dog free where i can listen to MY MUSIC and DO MY OWN SHIT.

    and were i in PA, i would totally go shopping with you!

  3. Barnmaven says:

    Enjoy your down time.

    I used to hate being alone too. It meant I had to experience my feelings without anyone to blunt them. Splitting from my ex and sharing custody meant learning to be alone, though, and it was a huge period of personal growth and maturity for me. Well, maybe I could use more maturity, but whatEVAH. 😀

  4. Lora says:

    This is me exactly. Especially right now, and every sunday evening. I feel ready to explode and I will do anything to get some alone time. About an hour ago, I told the family I had to poop and I shut myself in the bathroom and dusted a house plant. I feel guilty, and inadequate, and ten thousand other things, but thanks to this post, I don’t feel like it’s just me. Thank you! And good luck!

  5. I used to hate being alone too, I would wander places where I might run into people I knew. Now I’m glad to shop and not run into anybody preferably some small store where no sales person will bother me. I used to be scared of when my kids would be in school all day I cried when each of them first started school. Now I love being able to shower during the day when I can see what I doing (all though that can be scary too) and sleep with no kids in the bed or coming in every 5 minutes as soon as the sun is up to tell me it’s morning.

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