July 6, 2011 by Marj Hatzell
I shoulda kept my stinking mouth shut.
I had such grand plans yesterday. Well, if not making plans is a plan. I was going to take a ridiculously long nap and rest and like shower and shave and stuff because I can’t do that stuff when Bugaboo is home from school. And he went back to school! Hooray! But then I realized we were out of just about everything (like food. Which we kinda need to eat) and I needed to fill a script so I figured I’d do food shopping AND take a ridiculously long nap.
So I did. Food shop, I mean.
When I got home, Bug Boy helped me unload the groceries but I got impatient and grabbed two sorta heavy bags in one hand. And I felt a snap.
You see where this is going.
Then the burning went down my leg. I was all, “OH NO.” and knew that I herniated a disc in my back the second I did it. Because now I’m a pro at this herniated nonsense. No MRI needed, yo. The fact that I’m leaning at a thirty degree angle and my leg is numb and tingly and there’s burning in them there hills and it basically hurts to sit, stand, walk, sleep, pee and well, breathe, tells me I did a good job. Not as good a job as at Christmas when I did a super-good-best-ever-herniation (three for the price of one!) but good enough to put me out of commission for a week or two. Just when I was getting back to the gym and swimming laps and running and getting back to a routine. It figures, right?
But I’m suspicious, see. In December when I did it, we had this grand vacation to Tennessee planned to see our relatives there. It got canceled since I was like in a wheel chair for a few weeks and stuff. And I really began to appreciate life and the ability to move because, despite laws, the world is NOT so accessible to those with different abilities. Then I went to PT this winter and recuperated and got back on my feet. And two days ago The Guy I Live With and I got the bright idea of going to Tennessee and attempting to get that vacation in and see our relatives. And then yesterday…SNAP. And prolly crackle and pop. And there goes my back. Which means its the Tennessee planning. So I have to stop planning to go to Tennessee and then my back will be fine, right? Ok. WE AREN’T GOING, HERNIATED DISC. YOU CAN GO BACK IN NOW. There, if I fake it out and lie, maybe it’ll be magically healed. NO TENNESSEE FOR YOU!
I am confident I will be fine at the end of the month when we go but FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, KARMA. WHAT DID I DO? Didn’t donate enough money to animal rescue/disability charities/tsunami relief? Didn’t hold the door enough? Shoulda volunteered sixty hours a week instead of thirty? I really, really think I’m due for GOOD karma. Like, not hurting myself. Or like having a kid who DOES NOT RUN AWAY. Or maybe he could talk? Or maybe my other kid could not be so anxious Or maybe I could win or get an effing iPad for him? Or maybe things could just be effing normal for a few days, that would be nice.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ma gonna pop a few muscle relaxers and ice my back. Think happy thoughts that this pesky disc will magically pop back in, mmkay?