Socks Appeal


April 5, 2011 by Marj Hatzell

You’d think by now I’d know my kids.

I get them. I really do. From the correct temperature to serve their dinners to the fact that their clothing has to be 100% cotton, I get them. I understand how many decibels will set them off and cause them to fling themselves to the ground screaming and clapping their hands over their ears. I get them.

And two weeks ago I bought them socks. And screwed up

Normally, I check the content of everything I buy. Shopping with me is SO MUCH FUN because I read every label of every article of clothing and every box of pasta to make sure I don’t purchase something that my kids cannot have or do not like. And last week I bought socks.  And I didn’t check.

I saw these cute little stripey socks and pirate socks and happy faces and baseballs and you name it. And I bought them for Bugaboo and sent him to school and for a few days he came home with socks on his hands (he plays this game we call “socko” where he puts them on his hands and acts like they are hand puppets).  Or one sock. Or one sock completely shredded and holey and torn apart. Or both socks completely shredded and holey and torn apart…you see where this is going, don’t you?

See, my kids go through socks like kleenex. I buy them often. Very often. I bought the cutesy socks because I figured, “hey!  It’s spring!  We’ll see them because he’ll be wearing more shorts and sandals and stuff!” Buying cutesy socks is DUMB DUMB DUMB.  Cutesy socks are dumb.  They are crappity crap.

After the school asked me to stop sending him to school in socks for a few days, because they were becoming an awful distraction, I was at a loss. No socks? Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot? What is the deal with the socks this week, Bugaboo? What gives?

Then Bug Boy didn’t have socks one morning and I handed him one of Bugaboo’s cutesy stripey pairs. He put them on his feet, screamed as though he was in pain and fling the socks across the room. He said, “those socks feel wrong.”

Oh Momma, what have you done?

Saturday I went to the store to buy MORE SOCKS since we had three pairs that had less than two holes. And no socks without holes. Follow that? HOLEY SOCKS. Really holey socks. Not to be confused with the holy socks we got that one time my mom brought back holy water from one of her many religious pilgrimages and Bugaboo stimmed it all over the house. As a matter of fact, our whole house is holy. Ahem. Anyways.


So I went Saturday to the store, went to the socks aisle and looked at socks. And suddenly it dawned on me.  Cotton content? HELLO? ANYONE? BUELLER?  I flipped over the packages. Cutesy stripey happy socks? 0% cotton.  Plain, white socks? Mostly cotton except for spandex in the cuff. Sigh.

Saturday I bought more plain, white, boring socks.  And now everyone is happy with their plain, white, boring socks.

The end.

Until the next time I forget to check and they refuse to wear something.  Sensory Processing Disorder much?

12 thoughts on “Socks Appeal

  1. Penbleth says:

    My goodness. How difficult for you and the boys. This has really made me aware of the issue, I’ve heard of it but like so many things, if your own kid doesn’t have it it doesn’t really hit the radar.

    Let’s hear it for cotton, then.

  2. Amanda says:

    Our issue is seams. My older child LOVES the seamless socks from SmartKnit kids, but they’re too expensive to buy an active boy on a regular basis. If they came in the packs like the ones at the local box stores, we’d be golden.

    • Bug Boy once complained that “he could read the words with his toes” on the socks. Took me forever to realize that he meant “Hanes” on the bottom of his socks and he meant seams. If I get socks with seams on the TOP we’re okay, they don’t seem to mind!

  3. Michele Zipp says:

    Welp cotton is the fabric of our lives!

  4. Grace says:

    Holy socks, Batman!! I sometimes wish my life was as plain, white, and boring as my socks.

  5. Jen says:

    Poor guys, there is nothing worse than uncomfortable feet. It makes doing anything twice as hard.

    My kids have sock issues too. It’s plain old cotton in this house. Although- Gymboree sometimes has 100% cotton socks that are cutesy, if you are willing to pay as much for a single pair as you would for an entire bag.

  6. Veronica says:

    I have to buy soft clothes and then they need washing a few times before he’ll wear them. He was pretty certain that a new jumper was going to kill him, because not only was it fuzzy polar fleece, but it was red.


  7. Jennifer says:

    white cotton socks + fabric markers = cutsy socks that Marj’s kids can actually wear. 🙂

  8. Eric Herrera says:

    i always wear three or more pairs of socks daily on my size 8 tin and nerow feet it make it soft and light how first i wear two king size 15 dickies extended reinformentin heeland toe premiun 1in tick premium work socks and two king size 12 Jordan basket ball crew socks some times i wear three dickie socks with jordans and black king size natural cotton heavy half cushion sole guardsocks it makes my feet real soft and clean have you have?s for me just text me 956 640-4151

  9. Eric Herrera says:

    i always wear three or more pairs of sock daily

  10. Eric Herrera says:

    now the days are geting colder so i now wear 2pairs of size 15 dickies premium work extra cushion double cushioning socks. with 1 size 15 thorlo thick cushion wool sock and 1 size 15 wolverine wool sock. this sock packing help my tin feet stay cool and soft. i better i like this.

  11. Barry Llewellyn says:

    Finding socks for my boy is always a nightmare!! He’s almost 10 years old and I assume that he takes his shoes off at school because he always comes back home stepping on the back of his flattened shoes and his sock soles are almost black from dirt. After a couple of washes his socks end up almost completely ruined so I’ve been spending about $ 25 every two weeks. I have thought about buying Hanes or Nike which are thicker and hardwearing but the school he attends don’t allow kids to wear athletic socks with formal uniform. Of course I’ ve asked the boy what’s wrong with his footwear but he replies that he just can’t stand the feeling of sweaty feet inside his shoes so I’m still desperately looking for cool, durable and affordable school uniform socks. Thanks in advance!

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