Support is Important. And I Don’t Mean Bras.


March 22, 2011 by Marj Hatzell

People say the same things over and over.

How do you do it?

I don’t know how you do it.

Wow. You are amazing.

The truth is, I couldn’t do this without support. And I don’t mean underwire, yo (though, as I get older, that helps more and more).

I am very, very fortunate and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have this support. I have family who drops everything with little notice to give me much-needed respite. I have friends who are always willing to lend an ear when I’m having a rough time. I have neighbors who pitch in to help whenever they can. I have amazing schools and teachers and therapists who are always willing to give suggestions and advice. I have friends online and IRL and support groups and such. I have friends whom I’ve just met bring me dinner when I’m having a rotten week. I have friends whom I barely know drive me someplace or offer to shop or help me with my kids. It’s amazing.

I am totally covered.

I am one of the lucky ones. So many of my friends do not have support. They get what they can from agencies but they never, ever get a break. They never get a night of respite without their kids. They never feel validated. They never have someone call just to “see how they are doing.” They never have a neighbor do something nice for them out of the blue. They never have a good experience with schools and teachers and therapists and fight for every single little thing. They never have support.

Darn, y’all. I have a good life.

Sure, we have a garage climber. We have a Super-grumpy-pants-cheeky-monkey-ten-year-old. We constantly have to go over the rules about electronics. I can’t close the door to the bathroom because our little Houdini will escape (and I forget sometimes when other people are in my house and it’s a teensy bit AWKWARD). It’s stressful. I’m not gonna sugar coat it. You get to hear about the poo running down Bugaboo’s legs and Bug Boy’s rants and my sleep deprivation and tears and all of it.

But I’m still very, very fortunate.

So, thanks friends and families and neighbors and schools. Thanks for being there. Because you have the ability to take a very yucky day and make me feel all soft and warm and squishy inside. You have the ability to bring me back from an ugly, cathartic cry just by sending me a text or an email or leaving a message on my machine when I’m deliberately avoiding the phone. Which I do most days anyways because I have rotten social skills. And relate better to dogs than people. Ahem. But still. Thank you for being there. I couldn’t do it without you.

Thank you.

7 thoughts on “Support is Important. And I Don’t Mean Bras.

  1. Amanda says:

    Support makes all the difference. I’ve had zero support. I’ve had great support. Now we’re in the in between place. I can tell you hands down through it all I couldn’t do it without my husband (OK, and chocolate and tea). And to people who say, “I don’t know how you do it,” honestly, I don’t know any different. These are the kids I have. I wouldn’t trade them for the world (except maybe yesterday for an hour).

  2. Penbleth says:

    This is so true, without support I’d be nothing. Between Hub and being able to access respite fortnightly so 12 gets an afternoon and a night away and we get a break I would be done in completely. I really feel for those who are doing it all on their own. My hat is off to them, which isn’t much use I suppose.

  3. Support is such an important piece of the puzzle!

  4. I actually feel like my week wasn’t so bad after reading about yours. lol. That’s unusual. If we didn’t laugh, we’d bang our heads against the wall.

  5. Papa Bear says:

    Support. And Respite. Sometimes it feels selfish to ask. Sometimes it feels like a bother to plan for them, when, after all, we handle this every day, don’t we? Occasionally, it seems impossible to get them. But, yes, these are necessary. They make handling all this day to day stuff possible.

  6. Stephanie says:

    I really don’t like those questions/statements: “How do you do it?” “You’re amazing.” I see it as pity turned to wonder, and I don’t think either pity or wonder are appropriate (at least, for myself).

    You do what you have to do; get the support you need when you can, and do what must be done anyway when you can’t.

    It just is. Accept that, move on, and get busy. That’s how I do it.

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