February 22, 2011 by Marj Hatzell
You know, just because my life can’t possibly get any better, then more stuff happens and it just gets awesomer and awesomer (It’s a word now, yo). Times infinity plus one.
My mother has been hospitalized for the past two weeks. She has been in four times since November. And each time, they patch up a few issues (like blood sugar number of 496) and send her home but never get to the root of the issues. She’s been to a few different hospitals and specialists, too. And they’ve been blaming it on her congestive heart failure, strokes, blood clots, diabetes and emphysema, all of which she has a history with. And this time? Her lungs just weren’t making sense, so they did a procedure and sucked out the crud from her lungs. And biopsied and sampled it. And they found? E. COLI. E FREAKING COLI IN HER LUNGS. No wonder she’s been sick! So today she’s off to a rehab/nursing home for a few weeks to recuperate.
In the meantime, I’m watching my parents’ gosh-forsaken dog. Now, you KNOW me. You KNOW I love dogs. LOVE them. More than people, even. But this dog? As much as I love him? And even though he’s adorable and small and cute and weighs ten pounds and is calm and well-behaved? He is alike a car alarm. He yaps. And yaps and yaps. And yaps more. And in a house where sound is the enemy? YAPPING IS BAD, Y’ALL. And he’s been here for over two weeks now. Last night Dad stopped by to visit his puppy (he’s at the hospital all day with mom and plus he can’t physically take care of the dog so I’ve got him) and let me know that mom will be in rehab for 21 days. So three more weeks. Three more yapping-filled weeks of Cujo the Wonder Dog. Oy.
I have pneumonia. NO! REALLY! Three rounds of antibiotics since December and I still feel like crud. So I took Bugaboo to my allergist for a check up and testing and she heard me hacking in the office and was all, “DUDE. THAT IS BAD.” and immediately handed me a prescription for a new, pneumonia-specific drug and told me to go to bed. The 102 fever I had this weekend and the hacking cough apparently didn’t tip me off that there might be a teensy issue with my lungs. I’m smart like that.
Bugaboo and the allergist? HE IS FREAKING ALLERGIC TO APPLES. And peanuts, though not as severely. Yet. But apples! FREAKING APPLES! There are apples in everything, dang it. And he already has a limited diet. Apples were literally the only plant-based thing the kid ate. No other fruits or vegetables. UGH. But wait! THERE’S MORE! We have to put him on a low-oxalate diet, due to his groin pain and bowel issues. No coffee, nuts, beans, many fruits and veggies, chocolate, and did I mention COFFEE AND CHOCOLATE? Like, that’s all the kid would eat. He loves his daily cup of coffee. He stalks us for it. And now, no coffee. No chocolate. Oh, somebody hold me, this is going to be HARD.
And then yesterday my three-legged miracle puppy, Daisy, woke up with an eye infection. In both eyes. And Daisy has been having trouble gaining weight (she’s a border collie, they could eat a horse and not gain weight, they are so active) so they put her on weight gain formula, since she only gained .5 lbs since Christmas. So two weeks on the weight gain formula and she gained? A TENTH OF A POUND. So we discontinued the weight gain formula because she isn’t gaining any weight. You know, since that’s the whole point of weight gain formula and stuff.
And today it snowed and the kids have a two-hour delay after having a four-day weekend. Today my life is full of WIN.