February 1, 2011 by Marj Hatzell
I’ve got nothing.
The past two weeks I’ve spent hours each day staring at this webpage, trying to figure out what to write. I’m not sure why.
It might be because my gig at The Stir is now up. It was a temp gig and the contract was up at the end of January. It was a fun ride and I’m glad I was asked to do it but I’m not a professional writer or anything so there’s that. Also? It’s much harder than you think, finding topics, pitching them, writing, supporting with facts. I’m still gonna be at 5 Minutes for Special Needs on Fridays. And? I’m looking for a new gig. Because I love money and money is nice and the money from the Stir? Very Nice. But I don’t get paid for any of the other writing gigs that pop up here and there. Those are just for fun and stuff.
Speaking of writing and other places, I’m trying to figure out if I want to keep writing here. Here’s the thing. It’s fun. I like it when I interact with people. I like it when I can help people or give ’em a laugh or point a parent of a newly diagnosed child in the right direction. What I’m trying to figure out is if there is any benefit in me continuing to write about my experiences with my kids. Or if I need to scrap this blog altogether and start fresh. Like a new blog.
I mean, it’s not like I have that many followers (they are in the tens each day) or comments (less than ten each day). Switching wouldn’t be that hard. But then again, do I want to switch at all? Or give this up completely? My blog is all over the place. I write about whatever is on my mind. It has no focus. It has no mission. It has no point. I think the main reason I’ve lost so many folks is because it’s old and stale and it has been done before and there are plenty of new, funnier, energized people ready to take my place. People don’t want to keep hearing about the pantry contents being dumped on my floor, my kid smearing poo on the walls, my other one having meltdowns over groundhogs and the guy I live with not wanting to be mentioned at all. And the whole twitter/Facebook thing? Swear it killed off what few readers I had. And the few comments I had. There’s just too much info out there on the information highway and my little insignificant life is, well, insignificant.
What makes me so special? Nothing. Just a woman trying to find her way in this world, trying to raise her kids without going insane and attempting to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up.
And then there’s the fact that I’m not sure I want to keep doing it. I’m at a crossroads, of sorts. Do I play the game, join all of those networking websites, work my arse off on twitter and FB and get tons of followers and be one of those “mommy bloggers” you hear about? Do I want that? Or am I perfectly ok with being insignificant and unimportant me. Fading back into oblivion.
Of course, all of this wishy-washy-back-and-forth stuff could be from S.A.D. Or lack of nutrients. Or lack of sleep. Or my lingering ear infection and cold. Or the back issues and lack of getting out of the house and seeing sunshine on a regular basis. Or the crappy weather…