Where Appliances Go to Die


January 11, 2011 by Marj Hatzell

Blane? That's a major appliance, not a name! (Name that movie)

Yesterday I lamented that we go through tons of vacuums. That’s only partially accurate. See, that barely scratches the surface in explaining just how much we go through around here. There’s a reason we prefer used cars and used stuff, y’all. It’s because my family beats the ever-living frak out of everything.

Vacuums? Been through many. But other appliances? Just wait until you read.

When we bought our first house twelve years ago we bought a new washer and dryer pair. We moved to this house five years ago (that a difference of seven years, for those of you not good at math) and a year later had to buy a new washer and dryer. The large-capacity washer/dryer that we bought conked out within weeks of one another. And were unfixable. We’ve had this set for four years. I’m praying it holds out for a while.

A few months after that happened, we had to replace our dishwasher AND stove (and decided to add a built-in microwave, too, since we were already shopping for appliances). Now, to be fair, the dishwasher and stove came with the house and were about fifteen years old each. The dishwasher had already been repaired several times. And then we discovered that it was leaking like crazy when we pulled it out to fix again. And the stove’s heating element went and we couldn’t bake or roast anything. So. New ones.

A few months later our television died. You might not think a tv is really that important. But autistic kids? Tv? IMPORTANT. Bought a new one. Then the little vcr/tv combo we had for the kids video tapes? ATE TAPES. And wouldn’t turn on anymore. Then the DVD player went. Again, IMPORTANT.

Not a month after that? Our third refrigerator. Now, to be fair, the previous two refrigerators were used so we didn’t expect them to last forever. So we weren’t surprised when it died on us and froze all of the food in the fridge solid and defrosted all of the freezer contents and then the motor burned up. The end. So we bought a new one. And ten minutes after we installed it, Bugaboo rammed the front of it with a metal Tonka truck and it has a huge freaking dent. Oh yes, he did.

Last year(well, now that it’s 2011 it’s TWO YEARS AGO) we were on our seventh vacuum. And then we had to get a new one. When you vacuum as much as I do, vacuums are important, mmkay? And, the one we got? BETTER LAST LONGER  HAN SIX YEARS. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

We also had to buy a new toaster oven shortly after that. It lasted three years. This weekend, The Guy I Live With was messing around with circuits and stuff and suddenly the toaster oven didn’t work anymore. Again. Third toaster oven in twelve years. To be fair, it had a tendency to not want to turn on (or off, which is a little dangerous, it turns out). And it never turned on again. So we got a new one last night. Let’s hope it lasts four years!

So basically, if you’re an appliance? BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID. The Hatzell family will destroy it faster than you can say, “Tom’s your uncle.” And I’m not sure why you’d want to say that anyway. The point? There really is none. Only that we should think about buying stock in GE, Kitchen Aid or Maytag.


5 thoughts on “Where Appliances Go to Die

  1. Lori says:

    I think a vacuum cleaner starts its death march on its way home in the box.

    I remember my mother having her vacuum for my entire childhood, vacuuming the lint of my ass as I walked out the door start college.

    MY vacuums last about eleven minutes.

    I haven’t killed as many refrigerators as you have, though.

    That’s talent.

  2. My mother still has the same IRON and IRONING board!

    Oh! Irons! Too many to mention, but suffice to say at least one a year since we’ve been married. Tried buying the good ones but they die just as quickly. We get cheapies now, expecting to replace them.

    And then there are the coffee makers…fourth one since we’ve moved to this house. I guess when you use something EVERY SINGLE DAY it dies faster. Yes?

  3. They really don’t make things like they used to. I’ve had this discussion with my dad. I’ve asked him why stuff lasted my entire childhood, and now we’re lucky to get 2 years out of something. The definition of durable goods has certainly changed.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Pretty in Pink!

  5. […] Appliances hate living in my house so much they make the decision to stop working, in the hopes of getting put on the curb with the trash and snatched up by a junk collector to be given a second chance. […]

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