January 7, 2011 by Marj Hatzell

There isn’t much in this world that upsets me anymore. I mean, sure, I have a normal range of human emotions (stop laughing, family members) and feel pretty decent most of the time (thanks, Wellbutrin). I try to be calm and rational and look at both sides of a story and keep an open mind (SHUT UP, FAMILY MEMBERS). That is, unless you mess with my kids. Then the Momma Bear Claws come out.

The school bus will now take its sweet ole time.

We’re no strangers to school bus drama. Between Bugaboo being mistreated one summer on a “regular” bus (by an aide! Who received a long vacation!) and Bug Boy’s issues with last year’s driver and aide telling him he was a baby for crying (OH YES. THEY DID.), I’ve had some drama. For the most part, the people who drive school buses full of hyper imps do a great job. And driving a special needs bus? Not so easy. Those kids are tough. Trust me, I drive in a car with one every single day. They sometimes cry, act out, try to escape, you name it. And Bugaboo’s drive is a LOOOOOONG drive.

Anyways, Bus. This year’s drivers rock. AGAIN. So when they picked him up yesterday and the driver hesitated and I said my usual cheerful hellos, I knew something was up.

Then she proceeded to ask me how my neighbors were. Naturally, I said, “AWESOME!” because they are and you should be jealous. It’s a great neighborhood and my neighbors RAWK. You missed out on your chance to live here. So there.

Then she told me that someone called and complained. About the bus. Like, the one that stops in front of my house, at my driveway, to pick up Bugaboo? Yeah, that one. Apparently SOMEONE who is  my NEIGHBOR called to complain that the bus takes too long, it sits in front of my house too long, I get on the bus and TALK TO THE DRIVERS and we hold up traffic and sit there forever.





Firstly, we have to wait INSIDE the house until the bus pulls up to the curb because Bugaboo is an escape artist. If we wait by the curb he DARTS AWAY and runs in the street. And with my limp and lean and inability to, you know, run after him? We cannot wait outside.

Thing the second? The time it takes me to walk him to the bus, block the door so he can’t get OFF the bus, strap him into his seat and pull away while I walk back to the house waving? I timed it today. And we took our sweet ole time. Guess how long it took? GO ON, GUESS.


Three? I get on the bus with him to assist them in holding him while they strap him in. It takes two people most of the time. He’s like a Gumby doll, this kid, and wiggles free easily because he’s skinny as a rail. And quite limber. And I also stand there to BLOCK THE DOOR so he doesn’t run. Which he has done in the past. And! The second we walk out the door? The bus lights go on. The second we climb onto the bus and we’re sure he’s not running away? She turns the bus lights off and motions for the cars to go around. Grand total? THIRTY SECONDS.

And cuatro? My neighbors all know me. They all know Bugaboo is special. They all understand (and are quite patient with) the circumstances. The person that called? Could not possibly be my neighbor. I’m gonna venture out on a limb here and take a wild stab in the dart and say that the person who called is one of the jack*sses that cuts through my neighborhood during rush hour (because I live on a corner and the side street is a popular cut through to get from one neighborhood to a busy road) and gets stuck behind the bus every single day. For less than two minutes.

Because, you know, they can’t POSSIBLY leave their house two minutes later or two minutes earlier. NO! Call and complain that the DISABLED KID TAKES TOO LONG TO GET ON HIS BUS.

Let’s just say that if I ever find out who did this…I’ll prolly do nothing. Except sneer at people waiting for the bus to turn off its flashers. And for now on, we take THREE minutes to get on the bus. SO THERE.

12 thoughts on “OH NO YOU DI’INT!

  1. extremeparenthood says:

    I can’t believe someone would have the nerve to complain about a school bus and the length of time it takes to get the students on it and safely in their seats.

    However, I know all too well that people are asshats and love nothing more than to complain when things are going the way they think it should.

    Perhaps those people should work for a day on one of the special needs school buses and then we’ll see if they change their tune!?

  2. Anne says:

    Do you believe in karma? The asshat who complained will get his or hers. Oh yes, that karmic wheel spins around!

  3. pkzcass says:

    Yup, people are a-holes alright. I’m not a big believer in karma, but maybe the idiot who called smashed into a tree or something this morning. Least that’s what I’m hoping.

    Love your way of writing first, second, third, and fourth. Awesomeness.

  4. I’m not surprised that jerks exist.

    I hope the transportation office helped this person understand the situation.Why did they have to even tell the driver? And why did the driver tell you? The transportation office should only look into it if they get more than one complaint. And now you’ve gotten justifiably upset, and that just gives so much power to the jerk. And the jerk has already moved on and been a jerk six more times and forgotten about the bus. Sigh.

  5. Thanks for cracking me up yet again. You are so funny – and the Kanye picture was a great touch 🙂

    I cannot believe the nerve of some people. I am glad your neighbors are so understanding for the most part. I have a kid that runs into the road too. Do you have a harness? We just bought a harness for my son with autism from Child Harnesses by Elaine (she is really nice and hand makes each harness) and it is my most favorite purchase of the year by far!

    My son got away from me once at the zoo and went for the exit. As I chased him I tripped and fell, hit my head so hard I saw stars, ripped my pants and threw my back out. Somehow I actually still managed to catch my kid too! So after that I realized this kid needs to be on a leash! We get the weird looks as you can imagine but I don’t care – we love the harness. While you are still kind of out of commission with your back/leg issue a harness may be the best thing you ever bought too 🙂

    All the best to you and yours,
    — Jess

  6. I hate dealing with school bus drama. Most of Taylor’s anxieties come from confrontations with the kids there, but we have had a few parents
    flipping out over stupid stuff. The first week of school, I had the principal calling me because of kids beating him up! If it’s not one thing, it’s

  7. Veronica says:

    Ugh. Sorry that the momma bear in you had to make an appearance, but I think it’s great that you fight for your kid.

  8. People can be so ignorant and thoughtless. At least once I week I have to yell at the jerk who feels the need to beep his horn at the bus. Um, sorry…but uh can my kid be seated and buckled in before the bus pulls off? I realize the seconds of your life are that valuable.

  9. Mañana Mama says:

    Just stumbled upon your wonderfully hilarious blog while trying to remember the address of another blog…what good luck, Ima read a lot more of this!

    In a throw-down between complainy jerks and bus drivers, my money rides on bus drivers–I’ve met some pretty cool ones in my time.

    Thanks for cheering up a blue morning.

  10. magpiemusing says:

    Maybe you need one of those prop-up sandwich boards: “if you’re bummed about waiting while we strap the kids into the bus, take a different route tomorrow.” Or better – a big sign on the back of the bus.

    Gah. Mean people suck.

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