I’m a Freaking Train Wreck and I Don’t Care Who Knows it


December 20, 2010 by Marj Hatzell


How this kid hasn't broken every bone in his body is beyond me.


Last week, Bugaboo’s bus pulled up to the curb and I did the usual: walked out to the bus, stood at the bottom step and motioned for him to come down. He tends to hesitate and give us that look out of the corner of his eyes, which generally means, “I’M UP TO SOMETHING. DO NOT LOOK AWAY.”

Now, normally that look means he will attempt to honk the bus horn, open and close the door or sit down and play with the dust on the floor. That particular day in time, however, it meant, “I’m going to jump off from the top step and into your arms! It’ll be fun!”

For him.

See, he knocked me backwards and although I caught myself from falling to the concrete with a sickening thud, I felt a snap in my back and a burning ache began creeping down my hip and thigh. A familiar burning ache. I knew before I went back into the house that my pesky disc issue was back with a vengeance.

But I really didn’t know the half of it. Oh no. As the days went by last week, I was less and less able to function, in more pain and cancelling more and more things that I was committed to. Dinners, lunches, shopping. EVERYTHING. And although I headed to the chiro, it wasn’t getting any better. Thursday morning I woke up to horrendous muscle spasms and called immediately for a sick visit with my primary doctor (45 minutes away!). But Thursday was extra special fun because we got a WINTRY STORM and FREEZING TEMPS and OMG SNOW because one! inch! of! snow! is certainly worse than the FOUR FEET we got in February!  And, because it hit at about 3pm (which is precisely the time I was leaving the doc with a script for a muscle relaxer) the traffic sucked. And the pain and spasm got worse. And worse.

A two-mile drive turned into a two-hour ordeal because I had to stop at the pharmacy to get the script filled. The good news? The buses were running so late due to the one! inch! of! snow! that the kids didn’t get home before I did. Which is good, because two people called to see if I could get THEIR kids off of the bus and I had to call another neighbor to get MY Kids from the bus and did I mention this was barely an inch? Like, it really wasn’t that bad but everyone panicked and drove like eejits and got stuck and in accidents and stuff?

Never mind the day started with puking dog , missing wallet, trip to little town grocery store to look for said-wallet, running into the guys with the giant leaf sucking machine who may have sucked up said-wallet, late for meeting, stop at police station to report said-wallet missing and a call from my son’s school on my way home to tell me that SAID WALLET WAS IN HIS SCHOOL BAG. Because I’m an eejit and put it there instead of in my purse.

Yes, Thursday was SUCH a great day!

But the spasms got worse and worse, despite the medication. The pain is excruciating. I can only sit for a few minutes at a time. I must have my left leg elevated and at a 90 degree angle to my hip at all times and can only recline on my side. I can walk for about two minutes before my leg either cramps up or gives out under me. I have been scooting about my kitchen on a computer chair on wheels to do SOMETHING useful. Oh, and I have to crawl from room to room and up and down the stairs. And did I mention? Huge, Christmas Family party on Sunday! The good news is that my family is awesome, brought just about all the food, did most of the cleaning up and my sister even came early to help set it all up.


Teenagers! So funny! Spelled Boobies on a calculator! GUFFAW!

I’m thinking I might survive until Wednesday until the MRI.  And I’m feeling very fortunate that I have so much help and support, from awesome teenagers and neighborhood children to my family and neighbors and beyond. Because I have NO FREAKING CLUE how the heck I’m going to take care of Bugaboo this week and I’m quite frustrated! Also? I AM BORED. I am NOT the kind of person who sits for more than five seconds at a time. Being on a couch or bed for hours and hours a day is not for me. I am going insane. I can’t drive, can’t walk my dogs, can’t clean my house, can’t stand up in the shower, can barely sit on a toilet.


Oh, and did I mention my puppers hurt her little stub? And that we had a scare and though the bone was protruding through the skin and LUCKY US, it’s just a little infection where she managed to scrape the callous off of her foot? So we’re gonna get right on it and make sure she wears that dang bootie of hers every day of her life from here on out, because the alternative is amputating what’s left of her leg up to her shoulder. Which would suck. You know, because her leg is kind of cute and all.


Cone of Shame

Isn't her little cast cute?

Anyways, don’t mind me. If I’m incoherent I might admit to being on muscle relaxants and being kinda loopy at the moment. Which is different from my everyday life…


8 thoughts on “I’m a Freaking Train Wreck and I Don’t Care Who Knows it

  1. Lori says:




    I believe holidays create cosmic vortexes where all the crazy stuff in the universe is drawn.

    Please feel better.

    And, yes, that’s the cutest doggie cast EV-AH.

  2. KWombles says:

    I hope you feel better soon!

  3. Ahhhhhh GET BETTER SOON (and DAISY TOO!) 😦 That blows.

  4. Merry Christmas, huh? That whole one inch of snow thing cracked me up. All the accidents on Nascar 81, and how people forget the feet we had to dig out in February.

    Hope the MRI shows what you want it to, and you’re less spasmy and feeling better soon.

  5. the life you choose says:

    I hope you feel better soon!
    Plus, that one inch of snow? More accidents then I ever saw combined last year. And my husband was one of them – he’s fine, the car is not. My friend slid and smashed into a xmas tree lot. Pretty funny once we knew she (and everyone eles) was okay.

  6. I hope you feel better. STAT. And that your meds work, that you can remember to take them on time, and that the dog evades amputation.

    Good grief. What a week! I hope you have a great diversion, and that Bugaboo finds something fascinating.

  7. MemeGRL says:

    It was the strangest inch ever. In the 20 minute wait for the school bus (and I left to meet it 10 minutes late!), I saw no fewer than five cars on our little side street fishtail, slide, or spin. Whereas usually they just merrily barrel down our street regardless.

  8. pkzcass says:

    Did you have your MRI yet? You may need to have surgery. Yes, it could heal on its own, but that could take years. Please keep us posted.

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