November 22, 2010 by Marj Hatzell
For your viewing pleasure:
(I was totally in love with Tommy Shaw in high school. And Simon LeBon. Blame my older sister for dragging me to concerts.)
Hey kids, it’s Monday! And you know what that means on Auntie DG’s Funhouse, right? It means I tell you all about the weekend! WAAAHOOOO!
This weekend, Auntie DG went to an old-fashioned shoe store to look for shoes with The Guy She Lives With and while there, decided to look at shoes for herself. And she found a super cute pair. The problem? They insist on measuring you and fetching the shoes from the stock room and all that stuff. This might be ok for normal folks, but remember, DG has freaky large feet.
So. She was measured. 9.5. And the width?D/E. As in WIDE. I know, right? Little old me?
I had a size eight in fourth grade. I was teeny-tiny back then so I looked like I had clown feet, too. It was soooooo not cool. As if I didn’t get enough teasing for being short and a lumberjack’s dream (flat as a board) and a pirate’s delight (a sunken chest), then they started calling me RAT because I was apparently mousy, small and skinny and had big feet. Which is what a rat looks like, I guess.
No, I’m not having flashbacks to bad moments in my childhood, why do you ask? OF course, my feet do look like this:
Kinda like The Hobbit, no?
Turkey Day is approaching, which means I am going to cook up a storm because I’m one of these annoying people who MUST make everything from scratch and MUST make everything all natural and whatnot. Except for the cranberry sauce. I’ll admit to purchasing it this year if you bribe me. With potatoes. Mmmmm…which reminds me, I’m making mashed potatoes. NO, REALLY! And pumpkin pie and apple pie and homemade bread (I can’t give you the recipe, it’s a family secret and I’d have to kill you) and homemade gravy and all kinds of good stuff. I think I might skip the creamed onions this year, though. I KNOW.
I have five articles to write in two days for THE STIR because of Turkey Day but it’s okay, because as usual, I AM NOT RETICENT.
Saturday night there was a little roller rink/fun place fundraiser for Bug Boy’s school so we got out our roller blades and were all excited and stuff. We hadn’t been roller blading in eight years, since I was pregnant with Bugaboo. Yes, I roller bladed pregnant. I also pushed a stroller while roller blading pregnant. Don’t worry, The Guy I Live With was there, walking the dog. On roller blades. BEcause we’re awesome like that. Gives you a great visual, doesn’t it? I had to stop at 6 months due to a car accident. Then when Bugaboo was born I didn’t do it because it’s much harder to push a double stroller and roller blade while recovering from a C-section. Ahem. Anyways, where was I? Right. Roller Blading. I found muscles I didn’t know I had. And the back? Let’s just say YOU SHOULD NOT ROLLER BLADE WHILE RECOVERING FROM A HERNIATED DISC. Just sayin’.
And? Mother of the Year Award! I specifically asked for a morning conference for Bug Boy (and believe me, we have tons to talk about) because I wanted The Guy I Live With to attend and Bugaboo was up last night and we overslept and I got them all out the door on time and…MISSED THE FREAKING CONFERENCE. UGH! And I feel like a giant EEJIT because, HELLO! Home and School President! I’m in that dang school every five seconds! AND I MISSED THE CONFERENCE. And it was a WEE BIT EMBARRASSING when they called. Sigh.
I really don’t get paid enough sometimes. Oh wait, I don’t get paid. Hmmm…