For Realz Like


October 19, 2010 by Marj Hatzell

Remember the house next door? The one that sat vacant for a year? Well, it sold. And believe me, on November 2 (our anniversary, the Day of the Dead) we will officially have new neighbors. For now, though, there are men working on the house each day getting it ready for the new inhabitants.  They’re doing a lovely job, really. It’s just that they show up from a verrrrrry long lunch precisely when I am about to take a quicky nap and begin hammer and sawing and shiz right when I fall asleep. Never fails.

Also?  It isn’t helping my town’s reputation any that they’ve gutted both bathrooms. Which isn’t awful unless you notice the contents of the bathroom are on the lawn.  The tub was funny enough but the toilets?  C’mon guys.  It’s been there for a week. For the love of all that’s good and holy CHUCK THE TOILET IN THE DUMPSTER.  Oh, that’s right!  There is no dumpster!  You’ve been hauling crap away in your work van. You know, the one that apparently has a broken remote alarm system?  The one that resets and chirps about every ten minutes ALL DAY LONG?  Yeah, that one.

No, I’m not edgy or anything. I’m merely pointing out that I DO NOT SLEEP MUCH and I can’t fall asleep listening to cars chirping and hammering and sawing and whatnot.

Of course, I might be slightly edgy because I’m dying to get the heck out of here. Because?  Our annual sleep-and-eat-fest-without-kids happens in t-minus less than three days or something or other. Ask Bug Boy, he can give you the exact minutes and seconds I’m sure.  Asperger’s much?

Anyways, my sisters graciously offer every freaking year to come and stay at our house with our boys and our dogs and we get to go to our family’s cabin and sleep and eat and sleep and eat and sleep more and then eat and sleep and then seventy-two hours we go home well-rested (though our pants are surprisingly a bit more snug.  Strange.).  And every year I get all wild and crazy and sleep on the LEFT side of the bed at the cabin and I order something to eat BESIDES CHICKEN and I, like, straighten my hair and wear makeup and stuff. IT IS INSANE.  This weekend without kids stuff changes me, yo.

Of course, the best part of the weekend is being able to read a whole book without being interrupted. Of course, I never actually read the book because we’re busy. You know, busy doing stuff. Like, um, wine tasting and taking nature walks and whatnot.  Yeah, that’s it!  Nature walks!  It’s not like we’re away for three days in the middle of the woods with no phone or tv (OR KIDS!  Did I mention NO KIDS?) and spend the whole time in bed or anything. Nope, not us.

I might actually look forward to coming home this year. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am happy to come back home, refreshed and happy to see my kids and puppers. It’s just that I wish it could last a teensy bit longer, you know? But this year I’m happy to come home to because I have articles to write for this website gig I’ve got going on and I have a blog to upgrade and it’s IEP month (see previous rants on IEPs) for both boys and BUGABOO TALKED SPONTANEOUSLY TONIGHT.  Oh yes he did!  Daddy asked him who lived in a pineapple under the sea and Bugaboo was all, “BOB.” and we don’t even actually watch that show. Go figure.

So. Yeah, I’ll come back home. But if there is a toilet on the neighbor’s front lawn I’m going postal.

7 thoughts on “For Realz Like

  1. Tex Azarus says:

    If I could grant days off, I’d give you a month.

  2. MemeGRL says:

    Maybe his bus driver plays the theme song too! Have a wonderful break!

  3. Anonymous says:

    I love the new look! Enjoy your time away!

  4. Babs says:

    I love the new look! Enjoy your time away!

  5. Maddy says:

    Oh yes, of course, NO KIDS. Thirteen years and counting dearie. I think I ‘m probably going wrong somewhere. Probably need to take out a second mortgage to bribe a babysitter – right?

  6. GeekChick says:

    Older sis is coming up this weekend too? I didn’t know that.

  7. Amanda says:

    No kids? You’re definitely going to have to write a recap on how that feels so some of us can live vicariously through you.

    The new digs are lookin’ good. Reminds me I need to make like Donna or June and bake some pumpkin muffins today so I don’t actually have to cook breakfast in the mornings.

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