October 14, 2010 by Marj Hatzell
I had a friend ask me yesterday, “ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS POSITIVE?”
See, she knew I had a bad back and my kids were being devil spawn and my house was a wreck and my husband was away and the dog peed on the floor and etcetera and so on and so forth.
Basically, she knew what a crappy week I was having.
Yes, I am always this positive. Sometimes I get a little less than positive but I am rarely (if ever) negative. I’ve always had an overly cheery disposition and I’m rarely serious about anything. I am a glass-half-full kinda person.You know, lemonade out of lemons and all that? It’s me. I know, you hate me.
Which is why I think I annoy the everlasting crap out of people. I can’t help it though. It’s just how I roll. I am happy. I love life. I have a great life. I have great kids, a loving and supportive husband and a nice place to live. I have everything I could possibly need (and then some). I have supportive family and friends. I’m one of the lucky ones.
But I really think it comes down to perspective. I operate on the principle that there is ALWAYS someone who needs it more than I do. There is always someone who has it worse. Or is lonelier. Or sicker. Or hurts more. And there is always a child who has it worse than I do. And I can’t live with hating myself or my life or my circumstances when I KNOW I have the power to change things and that child doesn’t. I can do better so I do. And I am still happy.
Sure, there are things that suck in my life. This freaking herniated disc that is causing me tremendous pain this week. My kid doesn’t talk and runs away. My other one washes his hands until they bleed. My husband is out-of-town. My dog died a horrible, slow, painful death this summer . I have family members that are hurting and I can’t make it stop for them. Sometimes I get angry and frustrated. I am human, after all (Shut up. I am. Wankers.). And I have plenty of reasons to be miserable and feel sorry for myself.
But I refuse, REFUSE to waste my life. I refuse to let it get me down, and take over, and consume me. I refuse to let it take over and dictate the way I think and feel. I am better than that and my family (and I) deserve better. We are going to live better. We are going to make the best of it. Because we deserve it.
And then there are those dissenters:
“But autism? Positive? How can you be so positive about your child being robbed from you?”
To that I say this:
He is a gift, a joy, the light of my life. And, if you believe in a higher power, know this: That higher power? Does not make mistakes (Me? I’m a horrible screw-up but that’s ok). My child is beautiful and worthy and deserving of a full, happy life. And gosh darnit? He’s gonna have it. Because I’m going to make sure he does.
And if you don’t believe in a higher power? Know this: He is not a mistake, he has ALWAYS been wanted. He is beautiful and worthy and deserving of having a full, happy life.
We’re happy. Abso-smurfly freaking happy. And if you aren’t? I’m sorry. But don’t take ours away from us, mmkay? We’re doing just fine over here.