When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Potatoes Because They Taste Better


September 15, 2010 by Marj Hatzell

Yesterday was one of THOSE days. You’ve had them, too.  At least, I think you have.  Maybe? Please tell me you have, because I really could use a little encouragement right now.  Or lie to me, just to make me feel better because I’m a fragile flower, you know (STOP LAUGHING).

You know the day?  Like this:

Some unnamed children up at an ungodly hour (AHEM! BUGABOO!).

Certain unnamed children left cheerios and bread bits in your bed and you slept on them and no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t get them off of your bed in the middle of the night and just slept on top of the covers with an extra quilt and froze to death because in PA we’ve gone from the Three Aitches to FREAKING COLD.

Certain little puppies woke up early because certain little boys woke up early and although she can hold it for twelve hours insisted on getting out of her cage at 5am because she HAD TO GO. Or at least that’s what her whine said. So I ignored her. Until, you know, I couldn’t ignore her anymore.  Then I let her out. at 5am so she could dig giant holes, chase her frisbee and NOT PEE. Then I went back to the bedroom and her cage was wet.  Oopsy.

Certain guest dogs decided they were being territorial then in the bedroom and lifted his leg on the clean laundry basket you just brought upstairs. At 5am.  Clean. Laundry. Then guest dog goes downstairs and pukes up the contents of his stomach all over the rug.

And certain little boys dozed back off to sleep.  Little sh*t.

Then certain little puppies went back out and didn’t pee again. Then came inside and peed and pood in the LR.  Housetraining is going GREAT!

Then certain husbands and other sons woke up grumpy and were running late. And while getting them out the door, you spilled your life’s blood tea all over your darn self.

Then you went to a certain school where you are a member of the too stupid to say no club the co-president of home and school and cleaned out the Home and School closet, which had previously flooded, and everything was nasty and wet and smelly and covered with mouse droppings and bugs and nasty things.

Then you met a certain  friend for a brief cup of coffee at your favorite coffee place but only had an hour to spare and the people working were REALLY SLOW and even though you got your beloved cup of tea and your favorite egg-cheese-bacon-bagel thingy they FORGOT THE BACON. Which is totally unacceptable. MUST HAVE BACON.

Then you had to go fill prescriptions for certain kids for meds they MUST TAKE OR ELSE because you forgot to do them the day before, and walked around the store and FORGOT THE SCRIPTS forty-five minutes later when you left.  Because the whole reason you went there was to fill the dang scripts and NOT to buy office supplies and toilet paper.

Then you got home to meet a certain Nephew because you are watching him (and because you crammed so much in your day, you are not getting a nap!  TOO BAD!) for a few hours and he is running a fever and cranky and cries.  For three hours straight.  And won’t let you put him down.  And cries every time a school bus passes your house or stops.  And your house is the bus stop for the whole neighborhood.

And then you get a call from the school nurse because a certain Bug Boy has a freaking sty in his eye. You know, Mr. OCD?  Mr. CDO (in the right order)?  The kid who compulsively washes his hands to the point that they bleed?  Yeah, Mr. Clean gets a flipping sty.  Back to the pharmacy you go. Which is good, since you forgot the first two scripts anyways.  Except they can’t fill another important script for two more days and that’s the important one (Bugaboo’s sleep med).

Then a certain husband is running late getting home, a certain son has an accident in his pants because you forgot to get him back on the toilet, a certain dinner is boiling over on the stove, a certain older son can’t get the printer to print his homework after taking nearly an hour to type his spelling words, a certain puppy eats some bath stuff, a certain guest dog pees in the house again and a certain phone is ringing off the hook.

Then a certain someone you know and love (Well, tolerate. Mostly.) pulls a premium malt beverage out of a certain fridge and imbibes.  And gets certain bouncy children to bed. And walks certain dogs. And climbs into a certain bed early, which is STILL covered in crumbs and cheerios because she forgot to strip the bed and put new sheets on it.  And the bed has a certain little boy in it, since (GOSH FORBID) he won’t fall asleep in his own bed.

And that’s about the time Certain Someone gives up.

6 thoughts on “When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Potatoes Because They Taste Better

  1. RuthWells says:

    Oh sweetie. I say stay home and sleep today….

  2. the life you choose says:

    Agreed. More beer and hiding from the world are definitely in order. Hope today is better!

  3. annie says:

    Ouch. I hope you have a better day today!

  4. Amanda says:

    This is why I love your blog. I swear we live in the same house, only mine doesn’t have dogs (we’re allergic). This will be my house tomorrow as it is almost every Thursday. It’s the husband’s late day at work.

  5. Green V-Neck says:

    Oh, god, it all sounds horrific. I’m so sorry! I do want to mention that, if you use homeopathic remedies, pulsatilla is AMAZING for styes. One of my kids used to get them on the regular, but as soon as I started her one pulsatilla, she never had another one and that was 8+ years ago. One dose every 15 minutes for 4 hours, then one dose every 2 hours, until you see an improvement. Keep a hot compress on, and a hot black tea bag can also help (draws out inflammation).

    Hope tomorrow is better!

  6. You aren’t the only one. I took yesterday off to take care of something that ultimately didn’t get taken care of and that was the best thing that happened all day.

    Yesterday is going to go down as the day my kids spend years in therapy trying to get over.

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