June 23, 2010 by Marj Hatzell
Every once in a while I have one of those days. You know the ones.
You woke up feeling feverish, clammy, tired and achy with a wicked headache and sore throat.
You forgot to put out the recycling and it is overflowing onto the floor.
You forgot to switch over the laundry. For two days. Resulting in musty-smelling clothes in the washer and Mt. Washmore erupting on the laundry room floor.
You Come home from paying for the library book your son lost (even though you turned the whole freaking house upside down) to find that the old dog, the one who can’t have much protein, ate a whole bag of pepperoni. Which is loaded with protein.
You come home later from running errands to find the same dog had a major bowel eruption all over the dining room carpet. And you are gagging and trying not to puke because you have a sore throat and have a wicked gag reflex.
You get your monthly visit from Aunt Flo on the hottest freaking day of the year so far and promised to take your kids and the neighbour’s kids to the pool and you really don’t want to swim or be seen in a bathing suit but you go anyway and sweat to death and get in the pool.
When you rub your bloated stomach (thanks to Aunt Flo) someone asks you if you are expecting. And it makes you feel really good about the twenty-five pounds you gained.
You got back from the pool in time to get Bugaboo from his bus (achy and tired and hot) and naturally he immediately wants to go to the pool. Again.
You got to the pool and parking is at a premium because there is a swim meet AND diving meet AND you chose to bring your toddler nephew, too. So it’s a madhouse and there are too many kids to watch.
Which is precisely the time Bugaboo decided to get the trots. So Fortunately you brought your neighbour’s teenagers back with you to the pool and while you rushed Bugaboo to the shower and clean him up they throw the toddler, the other kids and all of the stuff in the car. And luckily put a towel down on Bugaboo’s seat.
Because on the way home Bugaboo then projectile vomited all over himself and the car. Several times. And thankfully most of it is water. And it looks like pool water, so you realized that he was drinking public pool water the whole time you were at the pool (nearly two hours).
You know, chlorinated, pee-filled, germ-filled public pool water? Yes. That’s what he drank.
Then you had to clean out the car, trying not to gag. And you have a sore throat and the chills and can barely keep the heaving down.
And then your husband walks in and asks you what is for dinner and can you do him a favour and take his picture for a thing he has to do at work. While you are cleaning up vomit, cancelling your babysitting job the next day and digging out the number to cancel the bus and call Bugaboo out of school the next day.
But luckily? There’s Dutch chocolate and vanilla bean ice cream in the freezer. And wine. Lots and lots of wine. And that makes it all better.