May 27, 2010 by Marj Hatzell
Lost: Twenty-five-year-old former self. Used to be thinner, smarter and in better physical shape. Used to have body parts that defied gravity and less cellulite. Also used to be able to answer questions with coherent answers, formulate opinions and stay awake after 8pm. Answered to the name of “Marj” not “Mooooooooom.”
If you see this shell of my former self, talk some sense into her, make her finish her graduate degree before getting pregnant and tell her just to schedule the freaking c-section in five years the week BEFORE Christmas because she’s gonna end up with one anyway, might as well do it before the baby is in distress and she looks like a beached whale. Oh, and while you are at it, tell her to start learning to say “no” because it will take her years and years of practice to get it right (and thirteen years later, she ain’t no better at it). And? TAKE THAT TRIP TO HAWAII EUROPE (RANDOM PLACE) NOW. Do not wait. There is no “later”.