April 13, 2010 by Marj Hatzell
You know, just once in my life it would be great if everything went well at the same time. Just for a day. Heck, I’d take just an hour. A few minutes even. Both kids, the husband and the dogs, all happy and well and carefree. For a few moments.
Is that realistic? Probably not. Is it desirable? YES, IT IS.
Bug Boy had a great year last year at school, followed by a pretty darn awesome summer for the two of us. He took swim lessons, we went to the pool and library nearly daily and relaxed and had a happy time. Bugaboo was in the midst of changing programs and many things were up in the air for him. He was also having behavioral difficulties. It was also about the time that Shadow began a steady decline in health. But we adopted Bristol and things were happy. It was the same week Bugaboo started his new program and the same week Bug Boy had a major panic attack. In the fall, Bugaboo started to have more behavioral problems related to his transition but Bug Boy settled into school quickly and did well right off the bat. A few weeks later Bugaboo was settled into his program and Bug Boy began compulsive hand-washing. IN the midst of all of this, the husband and I flopped back and forth between awesome intimacy and who-am-I-married-to-again? Then we had a great winter but Bugaboo had a rough winter and Bug Boy was so-so.
Never, ever the same time. Never aligned. Ever. Never. Sigh.
So the past two weeks Bugaboo had a med change and has done better than ever before. Biting? POOF! Gone. Sleep? BEST EVER. He has been more communicative, more cuddly, much happier.
Bug Boy? He is the most miserable I have ever seen him. Seriously, he is getting on our nerves. He is making us insane. Between the eye-rolling, talking back, growling at us (yes, he growls when he is angry), refusal to do things he is responsible for, tantrums over homework and violin practice and angry outbursts, we are about at the end of our rope. Seriously? I dread spending time with him right now. I feel guilty for feeling that way but I feel like we are walking on eggshells or trying to tiptoe around a sleeping lion. We refuse to do it his way. We refuse to give into his demands. And he’s making our life a living hell.
He’s deliberately breaking things. He’s throwing things. Slamming doors. Screaming at us. When we discipline him it escalates. If we ignore smaller behaviors he tries to get negative attention. It’s currently a losing battle we’re fighting. At least it feels that way. And he “hates” us. We’re “the worst parents in the world”. He has been isolating himself and refusing to knock up and play with neighborhood kids.
I’ve been reading book after book and parent message board after parent message board. I know we are going through growing pains. I also know it is temporary and I know we have to stick to our guns. But man, this is so hard. I know EVERY nine-year-old goes through these stages but when you have a kid on the spectrum these stages last ten times longer. And if they aren’t ten times longer they are ten times more intense. Sometimes they are both. But this stuff we are going through? Seems like it is a million times infinity googolplex more intense.
And we just went to the Neuro! I think it’s time for a med change, for sure.