March 2, 2010 by Marj Hatzell
Suppose you went to this local-burger-joint-that-is-really-a-chain and had this amazing burger because the husband decided that the beef we had for lunch wasn’t enough red meat for one day. And suppose upon walking into said burger joint, you noticed a sign on the door that said, “We serve peanuts” to warn those who suffer from peanut allergies that they are in for a night of swelling, hives and breathing problems (which I stupidly ignored). Then say you remarked to your husband, “Well. Can’t eat the fries since they use peanut oil. And please don’t get a basket of peanuts while we wait for our order. And you’re getting me cheesefries on the way home, k?” (I mean, nothing crueler that denying DG of fries, yo. I AM the potato queen, afterall. )
Then say that y’all got your order, you sat at the furthest corner of the restaurant away from the peanut eaters and proceeded to chow down on the boigers. And they were good boigers. Except that by the time you left the restaurant, you were coughing a bit. And then you got in the car to get your cheesefries from a different restaurant that DID NOT use peanut oil in their preparation and continued to hack your head off. Then your eyes began to itch. Then you began to itch all over. Then your stomach began to hurt. Then say that by the time your husband handed you the delightful cheesefries, you could not eat them because your throat was closing up.
Then say you got some benadryl, went home, stripped on the way to the shower and scrubbed the peanut contaminate from your body as quickly as possible while your husband and child changed their clothes, aired out the car and tossed the garments into the wash. And eventually you were able to breathe again. And probably should have gone to the ER but didn’t realize until later that you were having an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts, even though you hadn’t had one before, because when you’ve been exposed to peanuts before you’ve merely vomited them back up.
Good times. Good times.
And say the whole next day you were woozy and nauseated and vowed never, ever to even set foot in a place that serves peanuts like that again. Which makes going to the circus and baseball games a wee bit difficult.
Gonna call and get that epipen today.