January 20, 2010 by Marj Hatzell
Sarcasm. It’s an art form, much like procrastination. I take it very seriously. People sometimes take me seriously, as a result. Like, I’m being sarcastic (not serious) and they think I’m serious, and then they’re all, “OMG SHE’S SERIOUS. WHAT DO I DO?” And then I smile or snicker and then they’re all, “WHEW.” This might be the reason I don’t have many friends and don’t get out much. Or it could be because I have a teensy problem with my mouth moving all the time. Or it could be that I’m very anxious and I don’t stop moving and it is unsettling to people. Or it could be because I drink/eat too much, or clean the kitchen or cook when I’m at a party. And I understand dogs better than people anyways.
I’m just weird.
I think it is important to have a sense of humor, especially if you are me. This life I’m living, it ain’t easy. The lack of sleep, the lack of time to myself, the stress and pressure…it is all worth it, I assure you. But it’s hard. I’m lucky to have tons of support and a husband who has a job good enough that I can stay home to catch up on sleep, get a shower or just VEDGE once in a while.
So. Humor. I thrive on it. I love comedy, silly movies, comics and the like. I spend too much time on the internet. I frequent LOLblogs, like I CAN HAZ CHEESEBURGER? And Fail Blog and Graph Jam and…the list goes on. I belong to a couple of online message boards. It’s fun.
It keeps me from going completely whackadoo.
Then there’s FB. This is also fun. But the problem with social media sites? Sometimes humor does not translate into printed word, yo. Sometimes, people don’t get ya. They’re all, “Ooooookaaaaay.” And you’re all, “HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Because I don’t take FB that seriously. I mean, it’s great to keep tabs on family that I don’t see often. It’s just that…well, I dont’ take it that seriously.
I try to be funny, lighthearted or at least INTERESTING in my posts. But the way I see it, there are a few groups of people on FB:
- The people who post things that really should be on MySpace, because of the text speak and “creative” misspellings.
- The people who post every freaking mundane detail about themselves, like, I JUST BOUGHT A BOX OF TISSUES or I AM EATING A BAGEL.
- The people who waaaaaaaaay overshare, like, “WOOO! BEST NIGHT OF S*X EVAR! ” or “I JUST SNEEZED UP A HUGE WAD OF SNOT”
- The people who are very funny. Tea from nose hits monitor.
- The people who bitch and complain constantly. About every facet of their lives. Seriously miserable existence, yo.
- The people who have something to sell and hound everyone repeatedly
- The people who sign up and never use it because they don’t get it. Can’t even be bothered to upload a photo of themselves.
- The people who are addicted to Farkle. And use their wife’s account because GOSH FORBID someone finds them on there! SOMEONE FROM THEIR PAST! Not that I know anyone who would do that (AHEM! HUSBAND! TALKING TO YOU!).
Seriously. I don’t want to know what you are cooking for dinner. I don’t care about your online farm, or what your political stance is. I don’t care which version of Jeebus you say you represent. Don’t tell me how many situps you did, no one is that impressed. Or how many shots you did. Or that you represent xyz charity. Or that you are posting a spam message that you support cancerautisminfertilitymilitaryeducationcerebralpalsytigerwoods.
This isn’t real life.
The Internet? NOT REAL LIFE.
Sure, you can find cool things on it. You can read abso-smurfly anything. Rule 34 applies here, people. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS ON THE INTERNET. But it ain’t real. It’s entertainment. Like “Reality Television.” And if I wanted to live my real life, I wouldn’t be on the Internet or watching tv trying to escape it.
So, lighten up, People of Earth. Have more fun. Because this serious stuff you are doing? These flame wars and trolling and whatnot? I come here to ESCAPE THE STRESS. Not endure more of it.
And I swear, if I get one more freaking request for Mafia Wars, I’mma gonna scream.
PS – I’m rarely serious. Maybe.