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I Don’t Give a Flying F*ck About New Moon

8

November 19, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

Here’s the thing: I don’t get much time for pleasure reading.  I’m still trying to finish book seven of Harry Potter (YES, I KNOW I’M THE LAST ONE ON THE PLANET EARTH.).  And if I have time to read?  Right now it’s “How to Train Your Puppy” and “Autism for Dummies” and the like. In other words, if I ain’t reading a pleasure book, I’m reading a self-help guide (read: WTF?  HELP ME!).

Today I’m feeling a bit…stabby. Violent. Raging. I wanna hurt someone.  The good news is that I have better impulse control than I used to. The bad news is that I shouldn’t take my imps kids to Tarzhay when I’m feeling this way because, hello?  Impulse shopping?  The other good news is that Bug Boy was so hung up on finding a car charger for the DS he had taken away for the past week (his own punishment!  I like letting him choose the punishment, it works!) that I didn’t get to peruse the hair dye.  Because this is the kind of week I might have gone emo and dyed it black. Again.  And let me tell you something about dying your hair black when it’s naturally red. Ish.  IT DOES NOT WORK.

So there we are. Target.  Books.  Videos.  Stoopid Vampire shit. Yes, I said shit. SHIT SHIT SHIT. I’m also cursing today, did you notice?  Everybody and their freaking uncle reads this dreck. I picked up the first book. I read two pages. I wanted to kill someone, and I don’t mean by sucking blood out with my fangs. I mean, i could use the book as a weapon. Or a paper weight. Or?  kindling. That’s what I think about these stories.  I apologize in advance to those of you who might actually read them, but I just do not get them.  And the movies? OMG he ain’t that good-looking!  And, y’all who are drooling over shark boy?  SICKOS.

Yeah, whatever you do, don’t mention that freaking movie to me. Tomorrow, my husband comes home from a week-long business trip.  The kids have a half-day. Bug Boy is (thankfully) going on a playdate.  I’m getting a massage. Because, today? Today sucked. Rain+three dogs= mud.  Mud=bath.  Bathtub=knock the damn metal bar down on my head twice in a day.  Today also meant running around doing errands, Bug Boy’s conference, homework frustration and errands. It also meant no nap for me (BAAAAAAD) and Bugaboo having wicked mood swings (oops.  Forgot his bi-polar meds. My bad!) and crying and having trouble falling asleep.  And why the hell doesn’t spellcheck recognize DRECK and DYE and EMO?

You betcha I won’t be waiting for that damn movie to start.  I’m gonna be studying the insides of my eyelids.

Now, excuse me while I go hide in the basement and play Guitar Hero.

8 thoughts on “I Don’t Give a Flying F*ck About New Moon

  1. tex says:

    I still miss Dumbledore. 😦

  2. She Started It says:

    I don’t get Twilight, either. Have no interest. But I do love me some Potter.

  3. Muffy says:

    I read the books before I let my kids read them, and meh. I objected to them on the basis that they weren’t really very good. But the Twilight movie? Was SO BAD that I snuck out of the theater and hid in the bathroom until my kids noticed I was gone. I told my kids that they were allowed to see the movie in the theater if they found an adult chaperone to go with them that WASN’T me.

  4. DeNise says:

    I’m not into the Twilight series either…you’re not alone! 🙂

  5. I am so with you! I have people telling me why I need to read the books. I read the foreward and the first chapter and it was the most excrutiating experience of my life! And don’t get me started on the freaking movie! I saw a part of it last April when one of the girls on my girls weekend pulled it out. Holy moly, it was terrible…why would I want to go see the second one, with the same terrible actors? And I dont’ know why they think that boy is good looking? Um, no thanks…

  6. Someone says:

    I don’t know why iambossy is friends with someone as miserable as you.

  7. Someone, that’s a very good point.

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! Me? Miserable?

    Anyone who has met me in real life could tell you that is NOT a word typically used to describe me!

  8. kehouse says:

    Although I was hoping my first comment would be about something a bit more, um, cerebral, I feel compelled to jump in here, if only in the defense of all crappy literature. You have to get past that first chapter, the one which makes you feel older than God and glad you’re not in high school anymore. After THAT, you find yourself desperate to be a high-school girl, willing to give up anything (or at least one of your kids) if the world’s hottest vampire would just fall in love with you. Seriously. They didn’t make vampires like Edward back in my day. And that is why the nineties sucked.

    The End.

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