November 16, 2009 by Marj Hatzell
The harsh reality is that I am not cut out for doing this parenting gig alone. Yes, I’m a stay-at-home mom. Yes, I love doing what I do. Yes, I would love more children. I just cannot even begin to fathom doing this with no husband. I’m pretty much useless when he is not here, and right now HE’S NOT HERE. It’s been a looooooong time since he left for Belgium (forty-eight whole hours! MADNESS!). I am literally counting minutes until this weekend.
Here’s the thing: I’m no good alone. Really, I tried this independence thing once before (and every time he goes away on business) and I cannot stand it. I abso-smurfly DETEST being alone. I despise it. It’s the last thing I’d ever want. While I relish the free-time I have during the day, I like having my family close by. I enjoy my chaotic dinners with my family. Heck, I even look forward to the free-for-all weekends, when everyone is on edge because we don’t have a defined schedule (my family thrives on routine). But this? This stinks. I don’t like it one bit.
Of course, he used to go away much more often. And for longer periods of time. Surely he thinks it is pretty swell, getting a room to himself with no dogs on the bed, no one waking him to cease his snoring. He has traveled to places some people merely dream about. He has no one complaining that he hogs covers or is tossing and turning too often. I am also sure he misses home-cooked meals, lunches packed with little notes inside and freshly-brewed coffee when he comes downstairs. He misses the, “DADDY! DADDY!” and hugs and kisses from his greatest admirers. He misses the doggies, who are always happy to see him.
I dislike the sound of the house at night when he is not here. There is no tv blaring, no one to say, “TURN IT DOWN ALREADY, AUSTRALIA CAN HEAR YOU” to. There is no eye rolling from me because he has the laptop, his crackberry and the tv going all at the same time. In other words, I am lonely. I’m thinking he probably does not know this, so I should tell him. And I should do something special when he gets home to show him how much I appreciate him.
(No, not THAT, you perverts. Get your mind out of the gutter!)
I was thinking of MAKING A CAKE.