Things I Think About When I Should be Falling Asleep


October 30, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

I feel bad when I buy those picture frames with all the holes in them. You know, the collage frames?  I almost don’t want to take the insert out with the models on it because those people look so happy in those pictures.  One time I inserted my own pictures over the models and left two of the models in there to see if anyone would notice.  I almost wanted those pretty people to be in my family.

When I got to the grocery store I cannot resist the compulsion to rearrange the spices either in Alphabetical order or in the order of Scarborough Faire. You know, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme?  This year, I grew them in my garden like that.  I’m not kidding, either.

For the love of all that is good and holy, Please use YOU’RE for YOU ARE and THEY’RE for THEY ARE.  I know it’s OCD (or CDO, in the right order) but it makes me insane.

People who abuse animals and children are psychopaths and must be put into a boiling pit of lava.  That is all.

I’m wearing the Star Trek costume that I made nearly twenty years ago for Halloween tomorrow.  I had to let it out a bunch make a few minor alterations but I am happy it still fit, considering I’m twenty-five pounds more to love.

My husband is wearing his usual, “This IS my costume” tee-shirt.  He’s very festive like that.  He also has a shirt that says, “Bah Humbug!”

I think Halloween parades and parties at schools are dumb. In fact, I think all school parties are dumb. There, I said it. I wish they didn’t have them.  Halloween is my ABSOSMURFLY favorite celebration, but it is absurd that they take an entire freaking school day for this.  Just sayin’.  Celebrations and Holidays belong at home.  Including that “Winter Holiday” party that we have.  Sheesh.

I think the food in the school cafeteria leaves very much to be desired but I let my boy buy it anyway because HE EATS IT and even eats the fruits and veggies sometimes.  Last week, when I asked him to please take the fruit (because I heard that the cafeteria people were not allowed by the gov’t (this is true) to force kids to take anything), he answered, “But MOM!  It has high-fructose corn syrup in it!  I’m not eating that!”  That’s my boy.

When I take my son shopping with me, he makes sure I stick to an imaginary $100 budget that his father thinks we should stick to.  So he stands there adding it all up in his head, makes me put things back and stands at the register and says, “$101!  PUT SOMETHING BACK!”  Because, you know, I want my husband to go shopping with me.  Sheesh.

The first place I gain weight is in my arse.  The last place I gain it is in my girls.  The first place I lose weight is in my girls. The last place I lose it is in my arse. Ironical, isn’t it?

Every time I hear a song now I think about whether or not to put it on my iPod if it has a good running beat. As in, for when I go running.  I’m hooked.

Death By Chocolate ice cream from the PSU creamery apparently has magical sore throat healing powers. It also can solve the current economic crisis, third-world hunger and can cure rickets (that part is true).

2 thoughts on “Things I Think About When I Should be Falling Asleep

  1. Mamabit says:

    Bit is going as Spock, I keep threatening to put a sign on his back that says, “Vulcans the first autistics in space.”

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