So Yeah, About That Funeral


August 26, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

The past few days have been hectic, to say the least.  Between family, family, family and family, I have had a wee bit to take care of.  I had family pictures to scan, a funeral program to design, a family tree to update, a new outfit to buy (MUST HAVE PINK FOR FUNERAL!) and on top of that, school papers and phone calls to make.  The good news?  I did back-to-school shopping ages ago so I wouldn’t have to hang at the stores with crazy last-minute shoppers.  The bad news?  OMFG MY HOUSE IS A WRECK.

The good news? Bugaboo goes back to school in FIVE Days.  And, did I mention?  FIVE DAYS, PEOPLE.  Yesterday was the absolutely, positively worst day in my life thus far.  The funeral and burial went smashingly (it was so awesome to see our family members and it was FUN!  That’s our family!) but then it went down hill from there.  Literally.  Like, we go back to my aunt’s house for a teensy luncheon after the burial and Ian has a teensy (read: GLOBAL NUCLEAR) meltdown, so I had to drag him out.  We went home for two hours, my sister called me to go back and get her (and my kid and her kid).  When I went back to pick them up I got out of the car to hug an auntie. I was ten feet from the car.  It was thirty seconds.  Did I hear the car open?  NO.  So when I turned around to go back to it?

Door, ajar.

Bugaboo, not in seat.


Now, my aunt and uncle live at the top of a hill. A very steep hill, with a large park behind her.   And at the bottom of that hill is a big creek.  And woods.  And in front of her house is a very, VERY busy road.  See where this is going?

I start running, shouted commands to those standing near, we all started looking in fifteen directions.  After thirty seconds I shouted to my brother(the cop) to call (the cops).  Everyone was yelling his name.  My heart was beating a mile a minute, my arms were numb, my head was pounding…the cops showed up just as my sister located him three doors down behind a garage, playing in dirt.

I’m telling you, I was mortified. Luckily, the police and my family were all very concerned and supportive.  And freaked out.  And I was embarrassed. Did I say that already?  I WAS EMBARRASSED. Because here we are, trying to mourn the death of my grandmother and they are all out running around a park screaming for my child.

But hey, at least they know what I go through.  Right?

I’m telling you, the next time my Grandmother dies, I’m getting a babysitter (this is meant to be a joke.  Get it? THE NEXT TIME?).


That’s why I made tater tots last night.

7 thoughts on “So Yeah, About That Funeral

  1. lora says:

    I can’t believe how much I’m laughing in the face of your grandmother’s funeral and son’s disappearance.

    My son pulled something like this last summer, so I know exactly how you feel. I still want to puke when I think about it.

    Also, we had a tater tot night two weeks ago.

    Solidarity, sister. Wez gots it

  2. A co-worker is looking into getting a retired military shepherd and I thought of you. She said they retire the bomb dogs at about age 2 and they are incredibly trained/smart etc.

    Just thought I’d mention it.

    I hope your heart has stopped racing. Mine hasn’t!

  3. Bugaboo!

    Have some tots tonight as well. You’ve earned it.

    • Roger says:

      Thanks for the sensible ciqirtue. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do a bit research about this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I feel I learned far more from this post. Ie2€™m very glad to see such amazing information being shared freely out there.

  4. Janice says:

    Don’t be embarrassed! People understand more than you think they do I’m sure. In our family we do anyway. If they don’t well their problem..
    Not just tater tots, but also baked, hash browned, mashed, fried, and scalloped are in order! Excuse me while I join you!

  5. RuthWells says:

    Tots with a chaser of tequila, I think. Phew!

  6. Kelly says:

    Sometimes you have to make jokes, and eat potatoes in the form of tasty tots.

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