A Bad Case of Random


August 11, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

Some people call it ADHD.  I call it, “Random Disorder.”

The stuff with Grandmom is bringing back memories of my Nana from ten years ago. TEN YEARS. I cannot believe it has been ten years since she passed away, all of us in that room, sitting there, taking turns kissing her and saying goodbye.  Just before she passed away, I had the privilege of spending an entire day with her. I remember we sat and chatted as I got her lunch, put lotion on her hands and feet and helped her to the bathroom.  I learned more about her in those few hours then I did my entire life up until that point.  For example, I found out she was an English Major (no big surprise, she had a book in her hand even when she slept) and my grandfather was an Engineering major when they met.  And that she hated pasta.  And that she thought drinking out of plastic cups was for babies.  And that she was OK with dying because she was going to see her husband again.  She was some woman. Strong, strong-willed but accepted everyone with open arms.  And I mean OPEN.  She didn’t care what you wore, where you came from, what skeletons were kept in your closet, her door was ALWAYS open for you.  I miss her.

Bugaboo is trying to kill me. I’m either going to die from a heart attack (from watching him dart off at the pool and jump in the deep well) or get hit by a car (from trying to catch him).  As my husband put it, sometimes Autism SUCKS.  I normally have an overly cheery disposition (to a fault!) but this week it is really defeating me.  I am wondering if it has anything to do with the fact that he is leaving his amazing teacher of 3+ plus years and moving on to a new program.  Hmmmm…

I will be a puppy owner in two weeks.  Two.  As in, WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS WAS I THINKING, Y’ALL?????

My husband still thinks I’m a hot mama.  This is good, because I feel like a beached whale after gaining twenty-five pounds (that’s the latest count).  I now weigh more than I did post partum.  I’m ten more pounds and I’ll weigh as much as I did NINE MONTHS PREGGERS.  That’s the point where I’ll start with the leeches and the lipo.  Kidding! Maybe.

I had my first glass of wine the other night since my sister’s birthday. You know, the fateful night where I learned that you don’t mix tequila and wine?  Anyways, those two glasses of wine sure done taste good but I made sure I drank about thirty glasses of water to ensure no hang overs. Then I was up all night peeing.

My husband is obsessed with grass. This you knew, but wait until you hear the latest.  He tested the pH level.  Of our GRASS.  And it was acidic, so Forrest Gump went and bought lime to neutralize the soil, yo.  WHO THE HECK DOES THIS????  I’ll have balanced grass. Yippee.

I’ve kept up with the laundry every day all summer. I told myself it was because I didn’t want towels and bathing suits to get moldy, but the truth is closer to, “I gained weight and have three pairs of pants that fit so I have to keep washing them.”  But still, the clothes are always clean right now.  And this is good, since Bugaboo goes through at least three outfits a day.  Bug Boy, however, wears the same thing for days.  The other day I told him, “You haven’t had a bath in four days!  YOU ARE GETTING ONE TONIGHT!  AND I’M NOT TAKING ‘NO’ FOR AN ANSWER!”  And he’s all, “But Mooooooom!  One more day and I’ve beat my record!”   Ewwwww.

I have nothing planned today.  Nothing.  There is nothing written on my calendar.  And since I have ADHD random disorder, this means I will sit here for hours decided what to do.  And I’ll do nothing.  And then there will be a last-minute flurry of activity to get something done before Bugaboo gets home.  This is why I make lists and fill my time, so things get DONE.  And so I don’t get bored and rearrange furniture or paint bathrooms three times or go shopping.  Like yesterday.

I think that I might be Blanket’s baby mama.  Might as well jump on the wagon with all of the crazies…

2 thoughts on “A Bad Case of Random

  1. Jacki says:

    Just yesterday I was asking Peter, why is it when a celebrity dies, everyone comes out of the woodwork claiming to the the children’s parents or grandparents?

  2. lora says:

    I’m down to two pairs of pants. And one of them is white.

    Poor fat us.

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