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Un-Domesticky Goddess

4

July 9, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

When Bugaboo is off from school, things around here go from bad to worse.  See, I start off with the right intentions, really. I seriously clean my house from top to bottom and get things in order. I plan meals ahead of time and stock up on everything.  And in two days the house is completely torn apart.  As in, I am not just doing damage control. I cannot even keep up with the daily routines. It will take at least a month to clean up from a two-week break.   This time he was off for three-plus weeks.  For those of you not good at math, that oughta take me until September to clean up. And since he is off for over two weeks in August…

You might be wondering how it gets this bad. See, he wakes up and is already spinning his wheels. I try to wake up BEFORE he wakes up so I can shower and get a few things done.  Most of the time, when he is on break, he either wakes up long before us or gets up to watch the sunrise.  It’s awfully purty, really. It’s just that I don’t care to see it more than once or twice a month, you dig?  By the time I hear him banging around in his room, he has undressed, stripped his whole bed, dumped all of the toys out of his toy box, emptied his dresser of clothes, redressed himself (with shirts on his legs) and has climbed onto the top shelf of the closet and pushed everything off.  Again.  Then I go in and pick it up and he runs out of the room.  Then he gets into something downstairs (dog food, water, the toilet, lotion, spices, etc.) and I go downstairs to find it. I get his meds and breakfast ready and he makes his first valiant escape attempt of the day.  While he eats (and throws at least half of it around the kitchen.  If he sits, then it is in the Family Room) I attempt to clean up whatever mess he made and then feed the dog.  I also try to pay attention to Bug Boy for five minutes, but mostly I hand him books and games and puzzle books to do to keep him out of my hair. And then I wonder why he is so needy.

The entire day is like that.  He makes a mess, I clean it up while he makes another.  I clean that up and he makes three more.  I ignore Bug Boy while I chase Bugaboo.  He needs 100% of my attention all day long.  ALL. DAY.  Now, I know kids need attention. Lots of it!  But Bugaboo is a special case. I’m not trying to get into a pissing match about who has the worst life or anything, I’m just saying that I cannot even pull down my pants to pee without the kid pushing out a screen and running away.  If I take a shower, he comes in with me.  If I get dressed, he must be there.  It sucks.

Now you know why I value him going back to school so much.  I CAN PEE IN PEACE! Not only do I get about five minutes to sit down (which I don’t get when he’s home) but I can get my house back in some sort of livable shape. I hate it messy. HATE. IT.  In fact, it depresses me, makes me frustrated and basically I cry and throw a hissy fit and scream, “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.”  As if there is some alternative!  TOO BAD, YOU BIG BABY!  This is what you’ve got. So do it.

Anyways, I decided to show y’all how bad it can get.  I cannot believe I am going to show you the shiat hole I live in, but I think you need to see it.  Now, I know y’all are gonna say, “It isn’t that bad!  You should see my kitchen!”  It still makes me insane.  Keep in mind, I did start cleaning up SOME of it.  I do, at least, get Bugaboo and Bug Boy to help me switch laundry and clean dishes.  Bugaboo does pick up SOME of his own mess.  It just isn’t physically possible for me to do it all day long like that. Think Helen Keller in the Miracle Worker.   Yeah, really.  Eggs all over.  I kid you not.  But we muddle through it.

So without further ado.  My house.  Messy.

The basement playroom, aka The Pit of Despair:

DSC02575

Our Love Shack.  Also home to Eight piles of laundry.  At least I made the bed:

DSC02580

The sink that overfloweth.  Each and every morning. Flylady would NOT BE AMUSED:

DSC02576

The sideboard in the kitchen, home to everything but the kitchen sink.

Because the kitchen sink is already full:

DSC02572

I seriously tried to get pictures of the many, many chocolate hand prints on my walls (at least, I hope it’s chocolate) but they wouldn’t turn out. I also made an attempt at showing you the floor but the pictures didn’t do justice. Just visualize a movie theater floor, you know, sticky and covered with popcorn?  And when you walk you either hear CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH or your feet stick to the floor and you cannot move them momentarily? Yeah, it’s like that.  I’m thinking I could vacuum it or mop it, but where’s the fun in that?

And the dog is fired, by the way. She ain’t living up to her middle name, “Hoover.”  She is soooooo out of a job.

Have I mentioned how happy I will be when Bugaboo is going to his new school?  The one that only has ONE WEEK OFF AT A TIME?  No?  WELL I AM !

4 thoughts on “Un-Domesticky Goddess

  1. pkzcass says:

    DG,

    You do not exaggerate! You need two adults to clean up after that one child. I wish I could come over and help you. Oh the fun we’d have.

    I didn’t know Bugaboo’s new school was only off ONE WEEK AT A TIME. That’s great!!! At least you can clean up August’s mess by Christmas.

    I hereby grant you permission to take the rest of the day off.

  2. She Started It says:

    Perhaps I’m a slob. I don’t think it looks all that bad!

    I hope the school year comes quickly so you can pee.

  3. Jacki says:

    I can completely understand this post. My nephew requires 100% attention ALL THE TIME. Until you experience a child who has the energy and destructive powers of a tornado, you don’t understand.

    Now I do.

  4. Andrea says:

    Peeing in peace? What are these words you mention? Flylady wouldn’t be pleased with me either, so you are not alone!

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