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Estimated Time it Takes My Kids to Ruin Stuff

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April 10, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

Look. My kids are a bit rough. They are not exactly what people would call gentle or graceful.  In fact, I’ve commented in the past that if Olympic Book Ripping was a sport, they’d be gold medalists.  If breaking furniture was a competition?  World Champions, my friends. I’ve come up with an estimate of how long it takes them to ruin things.  Observe their world-record breaking times:

Bent Slinky:  18 hours

Silly Putty stuck to clothes: 4 hours

Broken dish or glass :  one week after purchase

Ripped clothing: a month

Ruined shoes: two weeks

Stains on carpet: one day after purchase

Dented appliance: one week after purchase

Holes in Drywall: One week after moving into our new house

Broken video game controller: One week after purchase

Soiled Furniture: 5 years to ruin

Broken Balsa Wood plane: fifteen minutes.

2 thoughts on “Estimated Time it Takes My Kids to Ruin Stuff

  1. Kat says:

    Ok, that just totally makes me postpone any plans on me having kids… Thank you DG! No more pressure.

  2. Laura Hedgecock says:

    My guess is that you have boys. You left one out though…. Length of time for the first kid to spill something in the new, fresh from the dealership car: 1 hour.

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