April 9, 2009 by Marj Hatzell
Like, since I spent eighteen dollars on it and all, I decided to at least show you what the heck I spent my money on. You know, ’cause I’m cool that way.
And because I figured I might as well get my money’s worth and entertain you. ‘Cause I’m cool that way, too.
See, I have this love-hate relationship with my favorite second-hand store. I love to shop there. Love. It. I mean, HOLY CRAP! The stuff I find!
Like this (from Ann Tayluh!):
And these (RL!):
And…my kids’ wardrobes. Seriously? I get brand name clothes there. I find cool stuff for me. I find cool stuff for them. I find stuff with tags still on it. We buy books. Tons and tons and tons of books. Exhibit A:
That’s Bug Boy’s room. We’ve recently purged his books. Can you tell? No? Well, we did. We got rid of twelve books! TWELVE! That’s like…six plus six, for those of you not good at math. And it was only six, until I added the other six when Bug Boy MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN AT SCHOOL. Just sayin’.
Where was I?
Oh yes. Second-hand shopping. Love. Hate. I need to get to the hate part.
The hate part of this complex emotional relationship is that I am a seasoned bargain hunter on a fixed budget and I can get some really nifty stuff for my family, all at bargain-basement prices. WHEN THERE IS INVENTORY. See, we have this whole crappy economy-thingamajig going on and people are freaking out and squeezing every penny until it bleeds and HOLY CRAP, why are there Acuras and Audis in the parking lot and what is Ms. Diamonds and Racquetball doing shopping here? They are super busy seven days a week now.
Now, I am all for equal opportunity and all. I just don’t understand why folks who can afford that lifestyle are shopping at MY store and buying MY stuff. MINE! Those are MY size six boy’s elastic waistband pants they are buying! Those are MY RL Jeans! Those are MY AT shirts! PUT THOSE DOWN! I can’t even find EB and LL there at all! OMGWTFBBQ!!!!
Instead, I’m stuck with these horrifying fashion trends. And I do mean horrifying. Observe:
Paisley is back in. Did you know? In salmon and sky blue. And they are Capri pants. In stretch material. Mid calf, too. SUPER SLIMMING!
Who needs the beedazzler, when you can have that sweater above for a mere $3.50!
Make sure you wear sunglasses with this one. You might blind people with this shirt. Or, you could rent yourself out as a tanning booth. One of the two.
Yes, ladies. That is a nightshirt. With beavers on it. Night shirt. Beavers. Does anyone else see a connection here? And worse yet? I don’t know that the manufacturers of the shirt got the connection. Beaver. Hmmmm…Yeah. I don’t THINK so.
That’s a HOMEMADE Noah’s arc shirt! With a built-on fanny pack! With An elephant on it! And arks swimming around the hem of the dress. Yeah, definitely won’t make you look like a WHALE or anything.
This, my friends, was a five-inch-long skirt in size eighteen. Yes, that’s ten plus eight. Unless you are Daryl Hannah, please do not wear this skirt. We don’t wanna see it.
What’s a girl to do?
Please stop buying my stuff, ridiculously frugal rich people. I need it. Or else I might be wearing a beaver night shirt and the thought of that just frightens me.