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The Eighteen Dollah Post, Brought to You by Verizuhn

1

April 9, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

So.

Like, since I spent eighteen dollars on it and all, I decided to at least show you what the heck I spent my money on. You know, ’cause I’m cool that way.

And because I figured I might as well get my money’s worth and entertain you.  ‘Cause I’m cool that way, too.

See, I have this love-hate relationship with my favorite second-hand store. I love to shop there.  Love.  It.  I mean, HOLY CRAP!  The stuff I find!

Like this (from Ann Tayluh!):

atl-sweater

and this:

cutedress2

And these (RL!):

boys-shirts

And…my kids’ wardrobes. Seriously? I get brand name clothes there.  I find cool stuff for me. I find cool stuff for them.  I find stuff with tags still on it.  We buy books.  Tons and tons and tons of books.  Exhibit A:

books

That’s Bug Boy’s room.  We’ve recently purged his books. Can you tell?  No? Well, we did. We got rid of twelve books!  TWELVE!  That’s like…six plus six, for those of you not good at math.  And it was only six, until I added the other six when Bug Boy MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN AT SCHOOL.  Just sayin’.

Where was I?

Oh yes. Second-hand shopping. Love. Hate.  I need to get to the hate part.

The hate part of this complex emotional relationship is that I am a seasoned bargain hunter on a fixed budget and I can get some really nifty stuff for my family, all at bargain-basement prices.  WHEN THERE IS INVENTORY.  See, we have this whole crappy economy-thingamajig going on and people are freaking out and squeezing every penny until it bleeds and HOLY CRAP, why are there Acuras and Audis in the parking lot and what is Ms. Diamonds and Racquetball doing shopping here?  They are super busy seven days a week now.

Now, I am all for equal opportunity and all. I just don’t understand why folks who can afford that lifestyle are shopping at MY store and buying MY stuff.  MINE!  Those are MY size six boy’s elastic waistband pants they are buying!  Those are MY RL Jeans!  Those are MY AT shirts!  PUT THOSE DOWN!  I can’t even find EB and LL there at all!  OMGWTFBBQ!!!!

Instead, I’m stuck with these horrifying fashion trends. And I do mean horrifying.  Observe:

377873027_1304883983_353407152_1238547690540

Paisley is back in. Did you know?  In salmon and sky blue.  And they are Capri pants.  In stretch material.  Mid calf, too.  SUPER SLIMMING!

377875409_1304892904_353409546_1238547513362

Who needs the beedazzler, when you can have that sweater above for a mere $3.50!

377873942_1304887392_353408105_1238547617621

Make sure you wear sunglasses with this one.  You might blind people with this shirt. Or, you could rent yourself out as a tanning booth. One of the two.

377874785_1304890501_353408919_1238547557442

Yes, ladies. That is a nightshirt.  With beavers on it.  Night shirt.  Beavers. Does anyone else see a connection here?  And worse yet? I don’t know that the manufacturers of the shirt got the connection.  Beaver.  Hmmmm…Yeah. I don’t THINK so.

377874949_1304891128_353409080_1238547536074

That’s a HOMEMADE Noah’s arc shirt!  With a built-on fanny pack!  With An elephant on it!  And arks swimming around the hem of the dress.  Yeah, definitely won’t make you look like a WHALE or anything.

377873435_1304885517_02

This, my friends, was a five-inch-long skirt in size eighteen.  Yes, that’s ten plus eight.  Unless you are Daryl Hannah, please do not wear this skirt.  We don’t wanna see it.

What’s a girl to do?

Please stop buying my stuff, ridiculously frugal rich people. I need it.  Or else I might be wearing a beaver night shirt and the thought of that just frightens me.

One thought on “The Eighteen Dollah Post, Brought to You by Verizuhn

  1. natalie says:

    the noah’s ark dress just about killed me. seriously i laughed until i almost puked up my chinese food dinner. hahahahaha

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