Dear World


February 17, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

Dear World,

There is some funky shiat going on in the world today and we have to talk about.  We’re talking STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE K and you MUST do something about it.  The past few weeks have been confusing at best.  And they’ve been confusing at worst.  And, well, basically just confusing and crappy.  Allow me to ‘splain.

Economic stimulus. It ain’t good enough. It will never be good enough.  Folks?  Too many of y’all live on credit.  Stop it.  No one would be happy no matter how this plan/package/pork was decided on and designed.  So don’t try to make everyone happy. Don’t try to make anyone happy.  No one is going to be happy. The economy sucks.  It doesn’t take a an Economics degree from Harvard or Yale to figure that one out.  So do your part, shop frugally but STILL SHOP.  It will take a long time for things to go back to normal.  In the meantime?  Can we talk about something else? PLEASE?

AIDS/HIV. There are actually people in this world who do not think it exists. They are denialists. As in, there is no AIDS crisis.  Coincidentally, some of these same people don’t believe in the Holocaust (they made it up) and think that 9-1-1 was a big government cover up.  Uh huh…ooooooookay.

Stoopid people in stores. Please stop staring at my child.  When you ask me questions, please understand that he FREAKING HEARS YOU.  He’s autistic, not deaf.  As in, HE HEARD YOU ASK WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM AND YOUR RELATED COMMENTS.  And, for the record, we love our son and we are happy with him just the way he is.  Also?  When my other son said, “Excuse me, Please.” when you nearly ran him over with the cart?  I really didn’t appreciate you yelling at him to get out of the way, telling him HE was rude.  It took us three years to get him to say excuse me.  So there.  PBLTTTT!!!!!!

Joaquin Phoenix. What is this?  And why are you doing it?  Could you stop now, please?  It’s weird.  Please, for the love of all that’s good and holy, shave and get a hair cut.  And shower.   Well, start with the shower.


Mickey Rourke. How did you go from this:


To this?:


I’m confused. And frightened. And you really should ask your plastic surgeon for a refund.  Just sayin’.

Pharmacies. I’m just a mom, trying to pick up NECESSARY MEDICATIONS for her children.  Medications that allow them to be healthy and function on a somewhat normal level each and every day. I know that some of their medications have the potential for abuse but all the new pharmacy restrictions do is make it more difficult for me to get their meds (read: I have to get the new script EACH MONTH and only on the day it runs out, not one day before).  So I am at the pharmacy several days a week, because NATURALLY none of them coincide.  This is stoopid.  Also?  Showing my ID to get a freaking pack of decongestants just so I can sit up straight is demeaning and annoying.  I am not running a lab out of my basement, mmkay? Because, trust me, if I was making some money my house wouldn’t be decorated in” Early American Goodwill”.

School Districts. I have one son attending in the district.  The other son, who will attend next year, also lives in the district. I’m not exactly why I have to fill out FORTY SHEETS OF PAPERWORK on top of the paperwork I already filled out to transition him into the district, on top of the IEP paperwork, the yearly MA paperwork and the paperwork to keep his wraparound services.  And let’s not forget the stoopid paperwork I have to fill out because he won’t attend in the district, exactly.  He’ll be farmed out to a program because they CAN’T HANDLE HIM HEREat the regular school.  And I have to provide proof of residency, birth certificates, social security cards, immunization records, my right leg, shave off all my hair and give up my first born child.  And then I have to visit a bunch of schools to figure out where to send them, all the while hoping that they will accept him and the district will pay to send him there. Of course, this is AFTER I fill out a packet of paperwork to get him evaluated at the school and another packet of paperwork to have him observed and ANOTHER packet…

Kellie. Kellie, Kellie, KELLIE.  No…just, no.


Thanks for listening, World.


Domestic Goddess

Total Babe, Hot Momma and Domestic Engineer

6 thoughts on “Dear World

  1. natalie says:

    it’s been a weird week here too. i finally had a real life friend call me to check on me because my facebook status updates were getting cryptically weirder by the day.

    i can’t even think about the state of the economy, the state of stupid people, or what in the world kellie or joaquin or mickey are doing with their looks.

    at this point it’s all i can do to keep my head above water!

  2. GeekChick says:

    Please tell me that is NOT Kellie Pickler? I thought it was a drag queen impersonating Tori Spelling! Eeeeck.

    As for the rest, who has the nerve to ask someone if there is “something wrong” with their child? That is just downright rude. And the lady yelling at Bug Boy. What a beeotch. Similar things happen to Dino all the time, but not because he is saying “excuse me” but because he is so easily distracted that he isn’t looking where he goes and bumps into people. Sigh.

    As for Joaquin and Mickey, sorry to say that I think that they are washed up and done. Joaquin is proving to be just as weird as all the other Phoenix’s. I think it must be drugs. Same for Mickey. But they keep getting their 15 minutes extended, now don’t they? LOL

  3. Dear Domestic Goddess,

    I know, I know. Things are pretty messed up. But that’s because I’m covered with people. Frankly, sometimes I wonder if it would have just been better to keep you all in the trees. Truth be told, though, my guess is you wouldn’t truly be happy if you didn’t have something to complain about.


    The World

    • Dear Charlie,
      You are right. It’s people. People did it. If there weren’t people then things wouldn’t be so screwed up. And? Soylent Green is People. Go figure.
      I’m truly happy. And I still have plenty to complain about. I just don’t because then people would lock me up in the loony bin. And I just escaped from there.

  4. nutmeg says:

    Totally cracking up here! I think the worst of it is Rourke’s lips.

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