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When DG Plans, Everyone Laughs

3

February 3, 2009 by Marj Hatzell

I’ve been on a blogging hiatus, for like, five or six days.  And it ain’t for lack of trying, I can tells ya.  Every time I sit near the computer there’s some weird atmospheric disturbance and little laser beams shoot from my eye balls and make my whole life go awry in the space of two point two seconds.  Seriously, I’m not kidding.

The past four Sundays I have had kids puking in my house. The past three Sundays those kids were mine.  As the super bowl wound down this Sunday evening, Bug Boy was shuffling down the stairs, complaining of stomach pains. Usually he complains and it means he needs to sit on the toilet, because he’s too busy to go.  This time he adamantly refused and writhed on the couch for a while instead. Then he stood up and put his head on me (this never, ever happens).  Then he camped out on the floor.  Then he sat there chatting and I thought he was fine.  The conversation went like this:

“Mom.  You know how I had those spelling words? Well, I knew how to spell them all. But there wasn’t a test!  She did not give a test!  Even though I knew how to spell all of them!  Not everyone could spell them, mom.  But now I’m…”

*hurl*

*hurl*

*hurl*

“Wow.  I guess I had to throw up.  Anyway, not everyone could spell them and now!  I’m on the…urp.  Moooom?”

*hurl*

Me: sigh.

No warning. None. I swear to you, the kid just keeps on going like nothing just happened.  We’re watching the contents of his dinner (carrots and cukes and broccoli, oh my!) hit the carpet and I’m scrambling to grab towels and mop it up while DH puts the dog outside (oh yes, she eats it.  You can thank me for telling you that later!) and the kid KEEPS ON TALKING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. He’s all, “Oh!  I’m in the middle of the story and I must tell you the end of it because IT’S IMPORTANT AND I’M AN EXTERNAL PROCESSOR!” and we’re all, “Did you see the scene from Stand By Me when Lard-Ass pukes all over the place?  THAT WAS NOTHING!”  Good times, good times.

So in the past week I had THREE DRAFTS saved to go back and finish typing later and BEHOLD!  Change of plans!  Either someone is puking, I’m developing the head cold from hell or I’ve got a kid up all night because watching Thomas in the middle of the night is FUN!  FUN! FUN!  And?  Did you know?   Two in the morning is just about the time that the On Demand people decide to do system maintenance and reset their servers and such.  And how do I know this?  BECAUSE I AM REGULARLY AWAKE AT TWO IN THE MORNING.

Because I’ve had limited time on the Internets, I’m about to subject you to torture you are in for a real treat.  I’m going to sum up the past week or so in short phrases and one-word answers.  Shall we begin?

duPont

dental clinic

lost cell phone

found my blockbuster card!

No phone

someone walked off with it

snow

more snow

FREAKING SNOW

snow day

WAAAHHHHH!!!

yet another herniated disc

head cold

up all night hacking

up all night watching Thomas

I love Trains. Not.

duPont. Again.

Cardiologist.

Yup, same ole heart murmur.

But he’s fine.  For now.

Back in a year!

Seven kids under eight on Friday

Baby nephew!

I want another.  But a girl this time.

But someone else has to do the labor part

burnt dinner

burnt fingers

dirty floor

Paperwork pile the size of two phonebooks

Philly Phone books

yappy dog (not mine)

Cujo is afraid of my kitchen

Up all night. Again.

I made it to church!  HUZZAH!

Bug Boy behaved in church for the first time ever

I joked that he must be getting sick

He got sick

Six times

Up all night again

Monday we stayed in our jammies

All day

I had lunch with my bro

Bug Boy and mommy snuggled and took a two-hour nap

Mommy got SOME   food shopping done

Forgot the poptarts

At least the husband made ribs

But Daddy is away until Thursday

BOOHOO!!!

At least I don’t have to cook

The kids get cereal

There.  That’s it in a nut shell.  Sorry you asked?  I know you just couldn’t sleep at night without knowing what was going on in my life, could you?  Did you notice what I left out?  Did you?  This post did not mention my usual subjects. Not once.  No Poo.  No Dog (mine). No backyard.  Wanna know why?  Because for the past week I’ve been up to my ear lobes in poo.  The dog is making me nuts and the backyard has ankle-deep standing water.  So I’m blocking it out.  Because I can.  Totally healthy psychologically around here.  We certainly don’t avoid certain topics, oh no.  Not here! We’re equal opportunity expressers.

3 thoughts on “When DG Plans, Everyone Laughs

  1. Merlot says:

    Yup! The puking thing was going around. My husband had whereas I had it from the other end. Ick!! I haven’t been planning much myself. If I make it church tonight I’ll be thrilled.

  2. BOSSY says:

    Yikes to the yikes power!

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