December 15, 2008 by Marj Hatzell
A social life, that is.
I’ve always been a part of a group. I’ve never had a problem making friends, I consider myself to be quite a social person. Lately, however, I’ve been feeling cut off from the world. This may or may not be part of the reason for my funky mood. I am not really part of anything right now. I belong to Home and School at both boys’ schools and I belong to the local autism parent group but it has been tough to make meetings this fall, due to the fact that meetings keep falling on people’s birthdays and stuff. Sheesh.
I belonged to stuff in high school and college. I had groups of friends that would get together for game night (HELLO! I miss that!) when we were young adults and newly married. When the boys were wee babes I belonged to Militant Breastfeeders LLL and made some wonderful friends. As our kids hit school age, most of those friendships dwindled and snuffed out, due to the fact that we all lived in different school districts and just didn’t have the time to meet for playgroups and such. Those women were my life line when I was first at home with my children. They validated my feelings as a mother, lifted my spirits when I needed support and became my social outlet. I’ve tried to forge new friendships and have met new and wonderful people. But I just don’t feel I belong to anything.
Don’t get me wrong. I know some very kewl people. I meet people who don’t make me feel so odd because, ahem, they have room to talk. Band Geeks, like me. Crossword puzzle nerds, like me. People addicted to online word games…wait, I’m the only one? I just find it very difficult to keep these friendships going. I get invited to things and somehow it all falls apart at the last minute, mostly because Bugaboo comes first. Should I not drop everything to tend to him when he needs it? Should I allow my husband to flounder and become frustrated when Bugaboo won’t comply, calm down or respond? It’s just that right now things are so touchy. As in, we’re held together with painter’s tape (barely) and we are perilously balanced on a tight rope. With elephant feet. And a mouse at the other end of the rope.
Good analogy? Welcome to my psyche at Four am, when Bugaboo has other plans besides sleeping. Oh, yes he did.
My New Year’s Resolution is to attend more social things (I seriously never, EVER make one, because I feel folks should put that kind of effort in all year instead of making drunken promises on December 30th and then feeling guilty on January 2nd for not sticking to it.). I’m going to make more school meetings, have more cups of coffee (tea, I don’t do Joe) with my peeps and go to my homey’s parties when they invite me. No more “I’m so tired and haven’t showered yet today” for an excuse. I’ll go smelly (I apologize in advance). No more, “But I didn’t make anything to bring.” I’ll stop at one of the gazillion gourmet stores around and select some cheese or appertifs. No more, “We’re on our way to the ER. Sorry, can’t make it.” Ok, this one’s a toughy. I think the only way to avoid missing a party due to the ER is to avoid the ER. Someone please make sure that memo gets to my kids, mmkay? And the husband? He talks to trees and grass, so no need to involve him.
So. Social life. Attend groups and parties. Call people or e-mail. I’ve got it, I’ve got it.