New Beginnings


December 9, 2008 by Marj Hatzell

My nephew was born last night. My youngest brother was the first of my three brothers to procreate. I tried to get him to wait until Wednesday (Bug Boy’s birthday) but I am thinking he (and Mommy) had other plans. I am hoping to get there this morning to love on him, if everything works out.

I am full of love and emotions this morning. In one respect, I am THRILLED to have another little one in our family. I love my nieces and nephews as if they were my own children. I cannot tell you how much I truly enjoy spending time with them. They just don’t appreciate me squeezing them so hard these days. They’re usually all, “AUNTIE! STOP! I CAN’T! BREATHE! WHEN! YOU! DO! THAT!” Yeah, yeah, kid. Blah, blah, blah. Whatevs. I’m hugging you, get over it. But seriously. I cannot wait to hold him. I cannot wait to put a kiss on that teeny little forehead. I cannot wait to get choked up holding him, thinking of my own little babes being born.

I have to admit having fears. So far, every male born into our family has had developmental delays. As in, freakish strength, super-smaht but delayed speech and social skills. We represent the whole spectrum of ASDs, my friends. From the very “highest” functioning to Bugaboo’s classic autism, we’ve got it all. Heck, this new babe’s own Papa didn’t speak until four. And he was a “different” kid, insisting on eating the same thing every single day at the same time, lining up his toys obsessively and wandering off in public EVERY SINGLE TIME we went someplace. Good, charming, intelligent kid but funky-arse behavior. And? He collected some weird stuff. Rubber bands, rocks, twist ties…Anyways, these days they would have diagnosed him for sure. Instead, he went for speech and OT until about 6th grade, repeated a grade due to immaturity and day-dreaming and ended up dropping out of high school and getting his GED because he was becoming agoraphobic and couldn’t take the peer stuff anymore. Then he was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. That was after his testicular tumor and blood clot on his brain. But I digress.

So, yeah, I’m scared for this baby. His parents are very young (and unmarried, although they were planning on getting engaged this Christmas and had a baby instead). I love his Mama to death, she fits right into our family. Her mother is a lovely, sweet person. And they have TONS of family support. But until I see that baby walking, talking and hitting all of his milestones, I know I won’t relax. I am really hoping they are prepared for whatever comes their way. Mostly because they have no choice.

Sorry to be so pessimistic. It’s just the way I am feeling today. It’s not that I don’t love my Bugaboo, but I’ve even been asked of family members what the chances are that they’d have another Bugaboo. And my stock answer is usually 99 44/100% sure. I tell them not to be afraid, that my life is fulfilling and joyful but it is NOT EASY. Not that anyone’s life is, I just want them to know the truth. You will sacrifice, become less selfish, give way more of yourself than you thought possible, lose tons of sleep but in the end feel gratitude and blessings for the life you have been given.

And that, my friends, is the truth. I have never been so blessed. And this baby? A blessing, indeed.

5 thoughts on “New Beginnings

  1. RuthWells says:

    Aw, congrats to you all — unto you a child is given! Mazel tov.

  2. faemom says:

    Babies bring out all kinds of emotions, and all we can ever do is pray that everything will be all right.

  3. natalie says:

    so so sweet. i know it’s hard, but i love how much you love your life. it is so obvious from everything you write. thanks for sharing yourself!

  4. GeekChick says:

    I am SO jealous! I can’t see the babe until I get rid of this icky cold and stomach thing. I am so bummed.

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