October 21, 2008 by Marj Hatzell
If you call your husband at work, make sure he does not have speaker phone on and his office door open. You know, just in case you, I dunno, may or may not say something that may or may not be appropriate for the entire office to hear?
If you have cherry furniture, did you know that nail polish remover splash across the furniture will produce a very nice pickling effect on the finish? I do now. And yes, I can hire Bugaboo out to do this for you.
If your child is having a tough time maintaining focus at school and cannot keep his shoes on worth a dime, get him a pair of those freaking rubber clogs with the fuzzy lining to keep his feet warmer. As much as you loathe and detest the very thought of those shoes, realize that it may be the one thing that keeps him happy at school. And sometimes you must pick your battles.
You may think you have parenting right with the first kid. Then the second kid arrives. And nothing works with the second kid. So you have to completely revamp your parenting style and start all over again. Be open to this, it may go against everything you thought you knew.
Little dogs yap. And as much as you might love them, realize that the big dog who barely barks (and leaves tons of poo in the backyard) is far superior. She’s also less maintenance. And I cannot believe that I am admitting the fact that my dog is low maintenance.
Sometimes husbands may say they are done buying cars and being interested in them. Realize that when he mentions that he is either smoking crack or blowing smoke up your arse. He will research and visit cars until his dying days, regardless of whether or not you actually need to get one.
No matter how much you plan, things change and something can and will go wrong. Be ready to deal with having to rearrange things. If you want to get out of the house for a party at six, realize that when a woman hits you in your coccyx with a shopping cart that you may need to put your feet up for a while because getting your coccyx hit by a shopping cart huuuuuurts. And then you are stuck watching yoru DVRd episodes of House Hunters while the husband has the Bugaboo out for a milkshake. But hey, at least he slept. And at least the stuff smeared on the couch is all-natural lavender soap and NOT poo. Right? RIGHT?