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Find IT here!

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August 31, 2008 by Marj Hatzell

The yearly community yardsale-extravaganza is next Saturday in my little neck of the woods (and for those of you who know us IRL, please feel free to stop by from 9-2!  Ish. Maybe not after noon. We shall see. ).  As usual, we are participating and putting out a table full of STUFF. I have no idea where this STUFF comes from, I tells ya.  After nearly five years of Flylady, you’d think I would have decluttered everything by now. It’s like the loaves and fishes, honestly. Every time I get rid of something FIVE MORE THINGS appear in it’s place.  SOME SORT OF MODERN MIRACLE!  Except I don’t see the face of the Blessed Mother in my pancakes.

This year my sister joins us, since she just got the BIG D and moved and has tons of STUFF (she doesn’t know where it came from, either!).  We spent the better part of yesterday afternoon and evening going through STUFF and pricing it for the sale. Along the way, we pulled out STUFF that could sell on a certain online auction site, since we’re all nutty like that. I mean, why sell it at a yard sale for $5 when you can get $30 for IT, right?   In the end, we decided that thirteen items were better off on online auction and TEN BOXES OF STUFF are currently taking up residence in my Dining Room. <begin rant> I’m ticked off at that certain online auction. A ways back they decided to change fees and such related to listing on their site. Basically, they nickel-and-dime you to death. I used to make a decent amount of money selling STUFF from around my house to get Christmas money and now it is barely worth it, due to the premiums they charge. Honestly? Unless you do a steady online sale business you won’t make much.  Bastitches.</End rant>

My sister also brought her cute-hyper-puppy-who-annoys-the-heck-outta-grumpy-old-dogs (Shadow).  Shad is petrified of puppies and small dogs, for some stoopid reason.  Cats?  The Devil.  Toy breeds?  Devil times ten.  Eager puppies who wanna play?  Might as well just kill her now, she acts like she’s gonna die if a frisky pup enters the yard.  Like, “OH MY GAAAAHHHHHHHH.  You have to be kidding me!  You want me to play with THAT?  I mean, that’s beneath me.  HEEEEELLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!   I’m NINE!  I only chase squirrels and rabbits because they CANNOT BE CAUGHT!”   Drama Queen.  Sheesh.

So.  My sister even offered to stay with the kids so we could Skee-daddle for a few hours. Naturally this meant that neither one of us really want to go anywhere, mostly because we were insane tired. I mean, the past two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind, with the trip and Bugaboo’s issues and doctor’s visits and trying to get back on East Coast Time (still not on it).  Going out on a date was not in the cards, so we ordered in, I annoyed the heck out of my husband by being a control freak (and he was SURPRISED I was a control freak. We’ve only been married for twelve years, y’all),  screamed at my kid for being a hellion and stayed up until ONE IN THE MORNING listing online auction STUFF because I’m stoopid dedicated like that.  I mean, I was helping out my sister who could use the dough and all.  It wasn’t about me proving  a point or being a freak or trying to get my way or anything.  Naaaaaahhhhh.   And before I got four items listed, two had sold.  Before I got ten listed, three had sold and three more had bids. And this morning?  Out of thirteen items?  Three sold, Five have substantial bids and five more have watchers.  All they need is for some Stoopid n00b to come along and start bidding STUFF up, ’cause we all know the seasoned folks just sit and watch it and throw in a quick, cheap bid at the end (hence the reason your starting bid must be competitive) and the n00bs are all, “WOW!  $4.99?  I’m BIDDING!”  And it ends up going for over the buy-it-now price.  Saaaaaa-weeeeeet.

Anyways, the Bugaboo is still being a hellion, even this morning (up at 5!  WOOHOO!).  My nephew is over for the weekend (the thirteen-year-old that Bug Boy worships) and I even managed to get him to take a shower before his parents show up so he doesn’t smell like a hoagie when they get here.  Later we host the family (part of it, one is working and one is in Virginia.  Yes, that Virgina.) for my Dad’s birthday and I get to gag for hours and choke down food over the smell of my mother’s perfume while Bugaboo tosses food on the floor and amuses everyone with his hi-flying acts and death-defying feats (but apparently not stitches-defying, since he had those two weeks ago) .  And me?  still trying to get my way about furniture that could be sold in the yard sale. I managed to get the beat-up, crappy, fugly Dining Room set that was FREE! FREE!  FREE!  from the husband’s granny when she moved into her retirement village and didn’t want the crummy veneer set anymore, so we ended up with it and a table and four chairs and a fuly seventies hutch is GONE!  WAHHOOOO!!!!   But the horrible, wretched, no-good reclining sofa set that I DETEST, LOATHE AND DESPISE?  He ain’t budging, even though he doesn’t like it either. I mean, we could use this other old set we got from a friend (which is tres comfy and neutral colored and NEVER USED, since it is in our living room. And we don’t use our living room.  At all.  Except for to house THE PIANO and a bunch of shoes. Oh, and the dog watches out the window there in between snoozes.) until we find something we want (in our budget. Meaning, free.) for the family room. Which so far has taken five years, since we’ve never liked the set we have because it is hideous and like sitting on a stone bench and was a total impulse buy the first day of football season because it has plug-in infrared massagers and heat. I kid you not.

Where was I?

No idea. Anyways. wish me luck trying to wrestle the ugly, not-even-remotely comfy couch out from the husband and please send good vibes to me next Saturday while I try to simultaneously run a yard sale, take Bug Boy to soccer and take Bugaboo to therapy. In three different locations with the same start time. TADA!

2 thoughts on “Find IT here!

  1. Kristin says:

    You wrote a really great rant. I hope it felt good to get it out. That certain online auction site just annoys the heck out of me, too. I would love to be a part of a garage sale, but living in a condo community where you can’t even put a note on your door makes it difficult.

    Oooh, I hope hubby lets go of the couch.

  2. I would like to come by the yard sale with a good friend of mine from Swarthmore. We can always use some things for our homes because we’ve never been married, had babies, been engaged, etc. which means we have forked over a ton of bucks for others but don’t have jack for ourselves.

    Do you mind sending me the details over e-mail?

    And that sister of yours owes the AG a call so we can go out and get our drink/Mexican food on!

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