Pet Peeves, Revisited


August 7, 2008 by Marj Hatzell


I’m feeling the need to have a cathartic experience. I need to purge the ugly thoughts and negativity from my brain today.  I have ONE DAY LEFT of Bugaboo’s summer program, so it’s time to get it all out in the open, mmkay?  The good news is that we have The Best Babysitter In the Whole Wide World coming tomorrow and I have plenty of helpers next week.  But I want to get this off of my chest for the sake of having a better day today than I’ve had the past couple of days.  If you don’t wanna hear it, might I suggest you scroll to the end?  kthx.  Here goes:

Hey, people who don’t get autism: Guess what?  They aren’t brats.  They ain’t spoiled (ok, maybe a teensy bit.).  In fact, the reason they get all wonky in Tarzhay over their arm hair blowing in the wind or the announcements being too loud is because they have something WRONG WITH THEIR BRAINS. They can’t help it. Now, I refuse to accept their behavior and will take them out of the store as quickly as possible.  But don’t you DARE give me the hairy eyeball and the “sh*tty parent” award and Tsk under your breath. Think you can do better?  C’mon over!  I could use a two-week vacation!  You wouldn’t last an hour.

Dear road maintenance people, aka Aqua PA: Do me a teensy favor and PUT UP A FREAKING SIGN AT THE BEGINNING OF THE STREET so that I don’t drive a full mile down the road, only to come across a “ROAD CLOSED” sign when I am fifteen freaking minutes late and I’m picking up my kids SICK from school.  Is that too much to ask?  PS – when you repave? You do a really crappy job.  And it has taken you four months to rip up the same section of Baltimore Pike and we’re all really tired of it.

Yo!  Dog walkers: My dog may be large and black but she is gentle and friendly and happy and is afraid of her own freaking shadow. She’s never bitten or growled at anyone.  In fact, she encounters a Chihuahua and passively and submissively turtles on the ground.  Give her a chance, she loves other dogs. While we’re at it, CLEAN UP YOUR DOG’S POO and don’t you DARE let that freaking Corgi go on my lawn again. I’m looking at you, people in the peach house on the next block.  Yes, I notice him at 6 am. Stop letting him on my lawn!

Parent of the year award winners: BELT YOUR YOUNGIN’S IN CAR SEATS!  WITH SEAT BELTS!  It ain’t cute seeing them bounce around the back of the vehicle while you puff on your ciggie and listen to loud, explicit music.  Better yet?  Stop letting ten-year-olds roam the streets in the dark of night.  We can’t see them because they wear black. And stop letting four-year-olds ride bikes in the street unattended while you watch tv.  And give that kid a bath once in a while, mmkay?

Dearest offspring of mine: I can do without the late-night wakenings and the freaking ear and eye infections. I can also do without the meldowns. And? Guess what!  You have ANOTHER PARENT who you can hand that cup/box/car/toy to in order to get help.  His name is Daddy. Try it!  It works!  Oh, and PLEASE GET RID OF THE TOXIC EYE INFECTION BEFORE VACATION.  And please don’t disappear in Yellowstone or Moab and make us call the police and get all embarassed.  Thanks.

Ahhhhh….I feel better already.  Go on, share yours. I dare you. It’ll make you feel good…good…good…

11 thoughts on “Pet Peeves, Revisited

  1. Vicki says:

    I totally feel you on almost all those. (Sorry, have no experience with Autism.) I crawled a woman’s ass (no cussing at the time though) for giving a woman a dirty look because her kid was making noise. She was watching a children’s movie with no kids. I’m sorry but if you are in a children’s movie at the theater you can expect there to be children there. As we all know, not every child is going to be happy to be there no matter how great the movie is. It just really irked me that she did that so I called her out on it. The other mom thanked me on the way out too. (Which made me smile with glee…hehe). Ok, there’s my rant. Thanks for listening!

  2. Geek Girl says:

    I’ll do so on my blog. Check it out.

  3. I’ve learned so much from you and reading this blog. I used to be the single person with the bug up her bum about kids. Now I am loving them all. I have met both of yours and those kids are well behaved. In fact, better than I ever was at their age! Thank you for all that you have done to change my ignorant ways!

    Why on earth more SINKs, DINKs, DIWKs, SIWKs, don’t get that love it or hate it — kids are kids and they are the future, is beyond me.

    Compassion is not a dirtee word.

  4. Maggie says:

    Hey DG! For a long time (I was young and knew everything) I was the judgemental jerk in Target who gave “the look”. Since I’ve aged (and you know, not more mature, but not as big an asshat) and learned more about autism, I don’t judge and I certainly don’t think I could do better. (I had some children of my own who taught me that I have no idea what I’m doing.) But great blogs like yours and friends with kids across the autistic spectrum bring it all home. Thanks for sharing your part of the story!

  5. Melanie says:

    I just have to tell you what my parent’s neighbor told my Dad…she said “my dog is so good he never does his business in our yard, only in the neighbors”. My Dad was so shocked he couldn’t say anything, since it was his yard her dog was pooping in!
    My current pet peeve is the lady at the picture place this morning…I have a 2yr old and a almost 2 month old, she did NOTHING to try to get my 2 yr old to smile or help me get the picture, aren’t I paying you to do something? Seriously should you say “should we reschedule for a time when Daddy can be here?” UM, no, get it together and help me! THANKS!

  6. Anjali says:

    Oh, DG, too funny. But the no car seat thing, ugh, that’s terrible.

  7. Kimberly C says:

    I generally lurk, but I am out of the woodwork for this one- and I do agree about the carseats especially.

    * Grandparents and other family- my cousin is an alcoholic asshole, if you just get over him and quit thinking he’s the bee’s knees you will all be better off. His wife isn’t the bee’s knees either, she’s got a pole up her butt a mile long and about a car wide and will always be that way, no matter how many of her bills you pay.
    * to my daughter, whom I love- I think that it is just precious that you are going through 2 early. Really. Please keep it up, I love to hear you whine. Also I love the Little Mermaid as much as you do and REALLY want to watch it nonstop, despite evidence to the contrary.
    * MIL- I am on to you.
    * DH- do something besides work and video games, please.

    Whew! I needed that.

  8. I will share my pet peeves tomorrow.


  9. Jacki says:

    You know, I cannot stand people that judge before they know the whole story. When Emma was about 6months old we were at a grocery store, and this old woman came up and started talking to her and touching her. Emma got scared and cried. The woman gave me the nastiest look and said “you need to get her used to strangers.” I was thinking “umm…no…you need to keep your hands off other people’s kids!”

  10. HG says:

    That is a righteous list.

  11. I like talking to kids better than a lot of adults I know.

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