August 5, 2008 by Marj Hatzell
Once Upon a Time, there was a lovely princess Queen who loved to get sleep. In fact, she could take two-hour naps and then sleep nine or ten hours a night. She always felt refreshed when she got plenty of sleep. Then she had kids and it all went to heck in a hand basket.
See, the princess‘ Queen’s children are NOT good sleepers. They sleep walk, they sleep talk, the sleep sing, they have nightmares and night terrors and sometimes they just get up in the middle of the night to have a party and get a snack and watch Teletubbies for no good reason, other than the fact that they like a tired, grumpy Momma Queen. Or maybe it is the Autism and Seizures. One of the two.
Anyways. The Queen was finally enjoying the fact that after seven years she was kinda-sorta getting a good night’s sleep (other than the whole getting-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-to-pee-thingy) and was getting quite fond of said sleep. In fact, she really,really, REALLY started to enjoy it. She was actually dreaming, waking up refreshed and in a pretty darn good mood, thankyouverymuch. Her husband, the Prince, even commented that it was like she was preggers all over again, without the ever-expanding arse but including the fabulously good mood and smile on her face and return-of-the-perkiness. This made the Queen happy. And then Prince Bugaboo went on a three-week school break and he got all out of whack and stopped sleeping. The end.
But not really.
See, the first week back to school for Prince Bugaboo was a nightmare. He hadn’t slept in about three weeks by this point and was getting up for hours each night, screaming and pacing the halls. The Queen and the Prince were a teensy bit tired of it. Ok, fine, they were FREAKING SICK OF IT. Because no one likes a tired Momma. Especially this tired Momma. She ain’t so nice when she’s tired. She casts evil spells on people with her magic mirror and crystal ball. She stops cooking, doesn’t vacuum for days (they could literally have a meal from the floor) and she doesn’t shower. In fact, she offends a bit with the body odor. Ahem. And the hair? Don’t get me started.
Once Bugaboo got back into the swing of things and settled into his routine at school, he once again began sleeping. Which means that the Queen once again began sleeping. Which meant she turned into Nice Momma Queen again. Which means there was much rejoicing (yea). Until this week, when Prince Bug Boy suddenly developed an ear infection and ended up in bed with the queen and woke up talking all night, exclaiming, “The INSTRUCTIONS! GET THE INSTRUCTIONS!” And fell back into bed snoring. And then Prince Bugaboo woke up at 5am, because he could. And he made sure he found the noisiest toy, and then let himself out of his room and got cookies for breakfast, after stripping down to nekkid and parading all over the house and playing in toilets and spilling CHILD PROOF PILL BOTTLES all over.
The Queen is not amused.
And, because it is Tuesday, the Queen’s busy-driving-errand day, she is really, REALLY not amused, because she won’t get a nap today. Which will make her totally-not-amused-in-the-least by bedtime tonight. But she has one thing going for her. She’s meeting a friend for coffee and getting her hair cut, which ALWAYS makes the queen more amused.