Vampires in Training


July 19, 2008 by Marj Hatzell


They’ve been biting, the Bugs.  Bugaboo because he is frustrated and feels crappy. He bites himself (it doesn’t hurt, he doesn’t feel it) and has been biting others.  Now he’s bitten middle child and The Actress’ brother.  He bit the bus aide last week and now they ain’t too happy to be dealing with him.  He’s bitten me, his TSS and his father.  It’s awful.  He has never been violent or angry before and we’re at a loss as to how to deal with it.

Bug Boy is biting, too. He’s bitten his brother, his cousin and two neighbors in the past month.  He has thrown furniture and has screamed and hurled objects. We’re having a teensy bit of a tough time, to say the least.  I’m telling you, it’s been a tough couple of weeks.  The husband and I are exhausted dealing with them.

It was pretty freaking hot today and they were both Mr. Crankpants, fo sho.  By the time they went to bed, I was basically in a coma. I don’t want to move, I don’t want to talk. I don’t want anyone to look at me or talk to me. I just want peace and quiet. Thankfully for me, they went to bed sans drama.  If they spent one more minute screaming or crying or calling my name I’m fairly certain I would either have drop-kicked them to Siberia, gone for a walk in a very straight line, or at the very least, I would have eaten a half-ton of potatoes for comfort.  Creamy, mashed taters. With loads of butter. AND GRAVY!  Mmmmmm…Actually, that’s not such a bad idea.

I’m thinking of making them vampire costumes for Halloween this year. It would be so fitting. And Doods?  We’re totally driving across the country in a month.  I’m thinking I might need a sedative. For me and them. Or I’ll drive and send the husband on a plane with them.  Three days of peace and quiet while I soak in breath-taking scenery and listen to whatever I want on the radio and eat when I want and stop when I want and…

Shoot. Forgot I despise driving.  Erm…teensy little problem. I kinda need the husband to drive me. That would be fun, just the two of us, three days of peace and quiet, taking in the breath-taking scenery together, stopping when we want and…

Shoot. What do we do with the kids?  Send them on a plane themselves?  Ok, fine. They’re back in the car. How about duct tape?  Not for their mouths, silly (although, I admit, it crossed my mind today)!  For my EARS.  Perhaps I’ll pick up a pair of silencing headphones.

I wanna go on vacation now.  Get me out of here.

4 thoughts on “Vampires in Training

  1. Seriously…why minivan makers don’t have a model with one of those soundproof limousine glass shields between the drivers and the passengers is beyond me. I’d have paid an extra thou for one, easily.

  2. RuthWells says:

    Oh honey. You need a break. I’ll be over with cookies later today….

  3. Having had twin brothers, I can assure you this is a phase. One brother bite everything including window sills, doors, people, pets, etc.

    Finally after the 1300th time of biting his brother and my parents encouraging the bitten to bite back — he bite his brother back.

    Neither ever bite again.

  4. bit, not bite!

    I was tired from the long ride…

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