How Does Your Garden Grow?


July 18, 2008 by Marj Hatzell

Ok, so, remember THIS POST a month ago?  I talked about how I’m growing stuff, because I’ve got, like, this green thumb and all.  I like to grow stuff.  I’m kinda good at it. In fact, sometimes errant stuff grows and I don’t have the heart to thin it out and kill it, so I do stupid stuff like pull out suckers and give the extras to my neighbors. And then they grow stuff, even though they don’t have colored thumbs.  Well, their thumbs are BLACK DEATH.  They can’t grow stuff. They mulch stuff instead.  Follow me?  No?  I don’t follow me either, so we’re even.

Anyways, way back yonder a month ago, I showed you a picture of my garden one month after planting:

And I showed you the potAHtoes we are growing:

Here it is TWO months after planting.  Notice a difference?

If you said, “Yes. The difference is that there are words and arrows on that picture.” You would be correct. But look again.  One month of organic worm poo and lotsa rain and dogs peeing sniffing around in there apparently DOES make your garden grow(Totally kidding about the peeing part. Maybe.  It’s for me to know and you to find out.).  The best part about my garden may be the herbs that I rarely use use constantly. It’s nice to have fresh herbs, dontcha think?  I think.  So if you don’t think, your bad.   I also like my sunflowers.  What sunflowers, you ask?  These:

So, I’ve got a surprise for you.  I’m gonna hold a contest, and the person who most correctly guesses the total height of the sunflower by the time the head flowers and goes to seed wins a major award.  I am hoping this happens by the time I go on vacation in a month.  You know, we’re DRIVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY?  So, dearest single person who still actually reads this dreck, make your best guess.  I’m gonna measure these bad boys on August 14th.  You have a week to make your guesses and then I’m gonna make me a nifty little chart to keep track of them.  I will try to measure them weekly until then and keep you updated.  The person who comes the closest (even if they go over, this ain’t the Price is Right) gets the major award:

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Just kidding.  Do you have ANY IDEA how much that freaking thing costs?   Well, it costs more than the real prize I’m gonna award to you.  Y’all, brace yourselves.  In honor of my travel down a large portion of the Mormon Trail to Utah, I’m awarding you this:

Yup, that’s what you think it is.  A Mormon Cookbook.  It includes sections such as “How to cook for all fifteen of your offspring at the same time” and “Cooking with no caffeine or liquor.”   Just kidding. Not to be offensive, really.  Mormons are the only folks I’ve ever met that have more kids than the Irish Catholics from my old neighborhood, is all.  But you will learn to cook with TONS of butter, all kinds of creamy casseroles, and their absolute favorite dessert, JELLO.  They love themselves some jello, fo sho.

Alrighty then, get guessing.

6 thoughts on “How Does Your Garden Grow?

  1. Angela says:

    Ooooh…. I guess…hmmm….8 ft 1- 3/4in. How’s that for exact?

    I want that cookbook. And if you happen to come through NE I want to have coffee with you.

  2. Kathy says:

    8 feet 6 inches. Go rain and organic poop!

  3. 10.5 — the way AG likes her men!

    AG totally needs that cookbook. It will perfect for her next Chanukah party!

  4. You crack me up. I’m guessing 8’8″. So funny that the “major award” photo is tehre b/c that’s so what I was hoping for when you said it. That’s all kinds of classy.

  5. Bernice says:

    I am guessing 11′.

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