Time for the Audience Participation Portion of Our Show


July 16, 2008 by Marj Hatzell

Ok kids, DG is in a funky-arse mood. That means she needs a hot bath or a hot toddy or a hot poker or…all three.  DG needs your help with the following:

  1. I leave for vacation in a month. Should I get my hair cut NOW and then it will grown in a bit before then?  Should I wait two weeks and have it more refreshed or wait until the last minute so I have a fresh ‘do?
  2. I am in no mood to cook dinner.  Should I make everyone eat leftovers?  Should I make fries and sandwiches?  Should I do breakfast for dinner?  Should we do takeout?
  3. Bugaboo had the BEST DAY EVER yesterday.  That, of course, means he is starting to get sick. He woke up this morning with a runny nose but was otherwise fine.  Should I keep him home?  Should I send him until the teacher or school nurse calls me?  Should I send him and hid and not answer my phone?
  4. The house is quite tidy and laundry and dishes are caught up.  RARE.  Should I do extra cleaning today?  Should I read a book and take a nap?  Should I take Bug Boy someplace special?  Should I rent him a video game (Baaaaaaaad mommy) so he leaves me alone for a few hours?
  5. DG needs to shave so that her new tankini doesn’t make her look like a hippy with, AHEM, extra hair.  In this town, though, it is the norm.  Should I do a bikini shave?  Should I shave it all for a change of pace?  Should I do “the landing strip”? Should I just leave it and tell the husband he has to deal?
  6. I’ve had purple toe nails for three weeks no.  I usually do electric blue (so that I look cyanotic) or wicked witch green.  I’m thinking of changing it. Should I keep the funky colors?  Should I do, *GASP*, a shade of RED?  Should I do a french manicure on my toes?  Should I take it all off and go au naturale?
  7. We’re driving across the country in ONE MONTH. Yes, I am insane.  Should we take our standard DVD player?  Should we pack the Wii this time?  Should I leave all electronics at home so we talk more and have more family bonding time?  Or I am completely off my rocker in thinking that my kids will behave for three days in a car without SOMETHING TO DISTRACT THEM???
  8. Speaking of driving across the country, we need hotel suggestions. We typically stay in one chain, but they rarely have pools. They do, however, have a PHAT breakfast bar in the morning and they are always clean and moderately priced. And quiet.  Do we stay there and say the heck with the pool?  Look for places with a pool so that the kids can swim at night when we stop?  Go even cheaper and do Motel 6 and McD’s for breakfast?  Where have you stayed?
  9. I am thinking I will chronicle my trip. That means I need a laptop. The husband will bring his and his Crackberry.  Should I insist on using his?  Throw a hissy fit and buy a laptop?  Borrow one from someone?  We will need one that can get Wifi.  Hmmmm…
  10. I’m gonna miss my dog.  Should I bring a picture of her?  Should I call for daily updates? Or am I neurotic and need to take a chill pill?  (DO NOT ANSWER THAT ONE)

Phew.  I really need your help on these.  I’m feeling somewhat indecisive (CAN YOU TELL?) and could use someone to point me in the right direction.  Thanks, y’all.  I knew I could count on you.  Y’all are the best cyber stalkers friends a girl could ever have.

13 thoughts on “Time for the Audience Participation Portion of Our Show

  1. Angela says:

    Cut your hair now…leftovers for everyone…definitely go with red toenails… DVD player for sure…read a book and take a nap while you’re hiding from the phone…LOL

  2. RuthWells says:

    Red for toenails. (Dude, you knew I’d say that.)

    Rent a videogame for Bug Boy and TAKE A NAP.

    Do NOT under any circumstances shave it all off — growing it back in is a beeyotch. (No, I’m not telling you how I know that.)

    Bring the DVD and the Wii BOTH on the trip. You might not use them, but it’s best to be prepared.

  3. HG says:

    Do NOT under any circumstances do a French Manicure on the toenails. Iiiiiick.

  4. trace says:

    I don’t know, your hair looked pretty good last time I saw you. Shave (it’s good for that vacation personal time)! Or, there is this stuff called Nads that is a wax strip. A little painful, but worth it. No red bumps. Wii AND DVD player. No french manicure. It totally lacks the drama of the blue nails. Have a fantastic time!

  5. BH says:

    Only shave your Public Hair!

    Red toenails are cool.

    You’re a BLOGGER! You NEED your own laptop! (all the cool new ones come with Wifi)
    …Or just use your husband’s. A well place hissy fit can be a very effective method of getting what you want!

    Holiday Inn Express. Good price, and VERY consistent quality. (and breakfast)

  6. Jacki says:

    I say red toe nail polish….that is what I am currently wearing.

    As for shaving…..a neat trim is fine if your hubby doesn’t mind.

  7. natalie says:

    wow. red nails…yes. wait two weeks on your hair, trim the nether regions, but don’t shave completely. take out for dinner, rent a video game, whatever it takes for the car ride, and um…hide from the phone.

  8. Maddy says:

    Come along now. I can’t even make one decision let alone 10!


  9. Make sure your hair is fresh when you go. So adjust accordingly.

    You’ve probably already had dinner; I just had breakfast (eggs) myself for dinner.

    Red family.for toenails..I like bright pinks myself.

    Extra hair is the norm in your town? Yuck.

    Yes to DVD player. I’d skip the Wii though to save some space.

    Splurge on a slightly more expensive hotel with a pool on those days you know you will have time/energy to swim. Can skip on others. Since you will have the laptop, pull over and try to get a cheap price on a really nice hotel on when you know where you’re going to be. Maybe you can get more pools that way. Always go for the free breakfast, too. Some of somewhat cheaper hotels have both breakfast and pool.

    Here’s something I’ve thought about doing…go to a hotel with a free breakfast even if you stayed elsewhere. Some of those breakfast bars don’t require a ticket, etc. Of course, if the kids are feeling too energetic..that could draw attention and blow your cover!

  10. wrh says:

    I started to make a list of answers in my head and then I read “driving across the country” and my brain exploded.

  11. Janice says:

    Only shave what you have to to look neat, stick with your blue polish, cut your hair two weeks before, order carryout, take the DVD paler and get your own laptop. The dog will be there when you get back.

  12. Vicki says:

    Shave what you need to keep it tucked in but do not shave completely, it will make you swim suit stick to your nethers and look funny. Cut hair two weeks before. Get your own laptop. Take the DVD, not the Wii. Call every other day to check on dog if desperate. Hide from phone. Take nap. Get hot pink toe nail polish, no french manicures. Rent the video game. Forget the take out, get dinner delivered.

  13. Anjali says:

    Definitely wait two weeks until you get your haircut.

    And the shaving thing? I still haven’t figured that one out.

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