For Those of You Not Good at Math


May 29, 2008 by Marj Hatzell

Good Morning, Class!  Time for a math lesson, DG style. Today we will talk about fractions, just because I said so.  Shall we begin?

Fractions are simple.  They represent a part compared to a whole. For example:  My older brother is an *sspart, the middle brother is an *sshole.  Get it?  No?  Well, then how about this: we’ll talk about my siblings and me to show you the comparisons.

  • 3/7 of my siblings are male, 4/7 are female. At least we think.
  • 3/7 have been arrested (that pesky underage drinking)
  • 6/7 have been to college (for at least a semester) and 6/7 of us finished high school (coincidence?).
  • 1/7 has a GED
  • 3/7 have at least an undergrad
  • 2/7 have enough credits for a Master’s and just haven’t gotten it together to finish (ahem, DG!)
  • 3/7 have tatoos, 1/7 are females with tattoos but 2/7 are females with belly button rings (that’s not me)
  • 7/7 have had piercings of some sort, including ears
  • 5/7 smoked at one point, although only 3/7 still do (because they aren’t smart like the 2/7 of us who never did it in the first place)
  • 6/7 have been married at some point, 2/7 have been divorced (and one of those divorced STILL LIVES WITH MY PARENTS)
  • 4/7 have children.  1/7 has one on the way.
  • 6/7 of us had Ford vehicles at the same time.  1/7 of us has two Toyotas because their husband wouldn’t never buy a Ford, even on his death bed.
  • 1/7 of us currently own a dog. Hmmmm…who could that be?
  • 4/7 of us currently own cats.  Again, not me.
  • 2/7 of us were born with red hair. 3/7 of us were born towheads.  That means that 2/7 of us were born with brown hair.  1/7 of us became a strawberry blonde as she got older.  Can you guess which one?
  • 1/7 of us are married to a man named Isaac.  Who could that be?
  • 4/7 of us have spectrum-y kids.
  • 7/7 of us took music lessons of some sort and learned to play an instrument.
  • 3/7 of us were teachers at one time. 1/7 of us is crazy enough to go back and get his Secondary Ed degree because being a cop isn’t punishment enough, apparently.
  • 5/7 of us work full time during the day (or night, depending on the shift) outside the home. 2/7 of us are currently SAHMs who work part time at night doing something-or-other.  1/7 of us has been home for EIGHT YEARS AND FORGETS WHAT IT IS LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
  • 2/7 live in Delaware.  Yup.  Delaware. It’s…well, Delaware.
  • 1/7 has a CDL license.  2/7 have a motorcycle license that somehow went unused when the lady-folk showed up.  7/7 of us can legally operate a motorized vehicle.  Unfortunately.
  • 7/7 have cable at present. That’s because my mother pays bills for 2/7 of us.  And I’m not one of them.  (Bitter?  NAH!  NOT ME!)
  • 1/7 of us is in his twenties, 1/7 of us is in her forties.  That means 5/7 of us are in their thirties and ONE OF THOSE IN THEIR THIRTIES STILL LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS

There. I hope that leaves you with a better understanding of fractions. Stay tuned tomorrow when I discuss ratios and percents using my children as examples.  They love it when I do this, trust me.  This may be because they have no idea I do this. I’m not sure. Could be.  Aren’t you glad you get to step inside DG’s brain?

10 thoughts on “For Those of You Not Good at Math

  1. Angela says:

    You’re 1 of 7? Me too…and there are 4 girls and 3 boys, in that order.

  2. Maddy says:

    A very interesting gene pool indeed!

  3. texasaurus says:

    math makes 7/7ths of my head hurt.

  4. I get the feeling 1/7 who lives at home is a sore spot.

  5. Jacki says:

    HAHA….you make your family sound like the Borgs on Star Trek. “I am one of seven.” But that made it very interesting to read.

  6. I just posted somewhere that I hate that people read and don’t comment, so here I am.


    Love ya, DG!

  7. Anjali says:

    OHMIGOSH! I was able to follow it! I think this means I’m gifted in math!

  8. crissie says:

    And 1/7 of us is eternally grateful for your love and support. And is also wondering why 1/7 of us STILL LIVE WITH OUR PARENTS. Sigh.

  9. Andie says:

    I’m not easily imseesprd but you’ve done it with that posting.

  10. waugh says:

    As Charlie Sheen says, this article is “WINNING!”

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