April 7, 2008 by Marj Hatzell
See, I don’t like to do memes. But if I participate in one and don’t call it a meme, does it make a sound? If I pretend it isn’t a meme, if you build it, will he come? My pal, HG, tagged me for a thingy-that-isn’t-a-meme-I-swear-it, and I’m only gonna participate because I’m a really nice person and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Or I’m gonna do it because I’m sleep deprived,hormonal and cranky and have less than two brain cells to rub together to squeeze out something profound, and so far I’ve come up empty. Remember, this isn’t a meme. It’s just a thingy. And I ain’t following the rules, because just like chain mail I ain’t tagging six people because then these things that I refuse to participate in will never stop, because they’ll be the gift that keeps on giving.
Where was I? Oh yeah. The non-meme. It tells you to share six unimportant things about yourself. Since everything about me is totally important, by process of elimination I don’t have to participate. TADA! See? that was easy. I’m finished.
I’m just kidding. Let’s see, what should I share? You already know I love potatoes. You already know I’ve done things I’m a little embarassed about. You already know I was highly intoxicated when I met my husband…
What? You didn’t? That’s news to you? Ooops.
- Well, I was. I was highly intoxicated. Don’t remember it. We were young and stupid, I hooked up with him (read: drunkly attacked and kissed him) and thank goodness, he was a really nice guy and it all worked out. The end.
- I do not like to have my hair touched. Back when it was really, really long (like, down to my butt), I mostly had it that long because I couldn’t even bring myself to go to the hairdresser. It grossed me out. I mean, no one can touch my hair. Not my kids (PBJ does not a good conditioner make). Not my husband. People cannot resist it, either. My hair is shiny and reddish and very lovable. Now that I’ve told you this, y’all are gonna try, aren’t you? If you touch it I’ll never speak to you again. Scout’s honor.
- I’m addicted to tea. Iced or hot, it DOONA matter. I. MUST. HAVE. IT. I even drank it when preggers, but monitored how much I was allowed to have. And you know what? Nothing happened. I made it through, the babies were born healthy and life is good. Tea did not warp my children for life. In fact, I drank what I wanted when bfing, too. Apart from the part where the used to swing from the chandelier, they turned out fine (just kidding. I didn’t have a chandelier. They climbed up the outside of the banister and used to swing from the curtains, Tarzan-style). So go get preggers and drink tons of tea because I condone it. And everyone does what I say.
- My dog smells really good today. She had a bath this weekend. She did not appreciate it. I wash my dog in the same bath tub that I bathe my children. I don’t think it is gross. So there. (yes, of COURSE I wash it when I’m done! DUH!). Yes, this is a statement about me. The cleanliness of my dog directly represents how well I am doing in my life. If she looks matted and disheveled and smells a bit, it is because I don’t even have time to pluck my own eyebrows. If she smells good, has a shiny coat, is well brushed and looks purty, it is because I bathed her instead of plucking my own eyebrows. See how this works? Clean dog? Happy DG. Dirty dog? Happy DG with stuff to do.
- I was supposed to fold clothes last night when I watched EMHE and I didn’t. Not sure if it was because I was too lazy or because I was just plain exhausted. Maybe both. I figured, “Hey! They’ll be there tomorrow!” C’est la vie. I don’t regret it.
- I love dirt. Dirt loves me. I love to plant and garden and grow stuff. I especially love to grow things we can eat in the summer. YUMMY! And when fall comes and I have to take down the tomato vines we eat fried green tomatoes like they are going out of style. I loves me some fried green tomatoes. They are almost as good as potatoes, and you know that is saying something.
There you have it. Six totally-unimportant-but-important things about DG. Read it and weep. I know I’m supposed to tag people but I’m a big ole party-pooper and I don’t like to follow rules, so there. I’m not doing it. So have a day.