March 4, 2008 by Marj Hatzell
Once upon a time, there was a house in a small
town kingdom. The small town kingdom was next to a college town kingdom full of hippies Europeans ivy league college students. The people of the small town kingdom wanted to be like the college town kingdom but couldn’t quite afford the taxes or the houses castles, so they did the next best thing. They bought homes castles in the in the smaller town kingdom. And there was much rejoicing. Because the people in the smaller kingdom? Their kids went to the same schools! YEAH! For about 1/2 the taxes! YEAH! But it takes over twenty minutes to walk there! BOOO!!! With no sidewalk! BOOOOOOOO!!!!
In the small
town kingdom in a small house castle there lived a small family. There was a handsome Prince, a Princess Queen, and two young and happy princes. There was the Little Prince and the Really Little Prince. The Princes were non-stop action, twenty-four-seven-three-sixty-five. If they weren’t moving it meant they were either barfing up a lung or asleep, and even then they were moving. The Princess Queen was exhausted because just watching them run around was enough to put her in a coma. Following around the Princes was no easy task. But they were still happy.
Then, all of the sudden, out of nowhere, February happened. You know, February. The month? Yeah, well, The
Princess Queen has this theory about February. Like, it cannot be over fast enough and March is a welcome sight. So February began and the Princes were suddenly transformed into sullen, cross, Cranky McCrankypersons. The Handsome Prince and the Princess Queen were fairly certain that aliens from a far away planet kingdom had kidnapped the two happy young Princes because in their place were two miserable, sick, whiny, horrid little imps. The Princess Queen was tempted to begin taking little blue happy pills again. The days were long. The days were really, really long. Four hours with the young Princes and she was cross and glazed over. Seriously. You wouldn’t want to go near her, trust us on this one. The Handsome Prince? He was smart enough to stay away and even smarter still because he did housework without asking, got her chocolate milkshakes when he knew she needed one and even stopped at Tarzhay to pick up diapers and scripts because the thought of dragging five children with her to Tarzhay sent her into a tailspin.
Anywho, the Little Prince (not the Really Little Prince) was in first grade at the local school and doing quite well. He was having a good year. They decided not to push him too hard academically even though he was capable of doing more. It is a proven fact that children with social skills delays and emotional issues are at-risk for academic difficulties and tend to lag behind their peers. But the school was working hard with The Little Prince. The Little Prince had The-Best-Teacher-In-The-Whole-Wide-World and she was patient and kind and loving and there wasn’t a mean bone in her whole body. She treated every child with respect and love and the
Princess Queen loved her (but totally not in a romantic way, in an “I admire her for her patience and kindness” way). However, in that dreadful month (you know the one) The Little Prince suddenly began having difficulties at school. And The-Best-Teacher-In-The-Whole-Wide-World knew exactly how to handle it. And so they persevered. And The Little Prince got worse at home. And The Little Prince got worse at school. And the Princess Queen? She started having serious doubts about The Little Prince and his future. She started thinking he was going to end up in a private school for children with emotional disturbances, forgetting all the while that she was JUST LIKE HIM when she was a kid. Except not ADHD and Autistic. Well, no one told her if she was anyways. But that’s neither here nor there. I digress…
So, The-Best-Teacher-In-The-Whole-Wide-World (who shall henceforth be known as TBTITWWW because the
Princess Queen, she is tired of typing all of those hyphens) and the Princess Queen talked and talked and discussed and came up with strategies and discussed more and had pow-wows and the Little Prince began having meltdowns at school and every time the Princess Queen would volunteer at school, The Little Prince would have a global nuclear meltdown if she did not bring him home with her (which she didn’t) and things quite possibly seemed as if they would not get any worse. It was baaaaaaad. And then one day when the Princess Queen went in to volunteer in art (and there was a brand new art teacher. Yes, mid-year. We aren’t amused) the art teacher was not a nice person and kicked The Little Prince and the Princess Queen out of the room for disrupting the other students (which the Princess Queen admits was an issue, but still) and the Princess Queen was NOT AMUSED and wrote to the principal, because the art teacher should have handled the issue herself and taken control of her own classroom instead of washing her hands of the situation. Apparently the art teacher totally does not want to be there because she has a sucky attitude and a scowl on her face and has no idea how to handle kids with ADHD, spectrum disorders or other challenges. Anyways. So now the Princess Queen is wondering if she got anyone in trouble, hasn’t yet heard from the principal and really, really hopes she didn’t get anyone in trouble because that is not her intention (but admits that if that teacher is so miserable there, what the bloody-heck is she doing teaching fragile, young minds in an elementary school, pray tell?).
So, lo and behold, March happened over the weekend (after that dreadful month had an extra day to it this year, because, after all, we have to add ONE MORE FRICKIN’ DAY to the month, because it wasn’t quite DREADFUL ENOUGH, thankyouverymuch). And like magic, the Princes were slightly happier. And then the second day of March happened. And the Princes were happier still. And now the Handsome Prince and the
Princess Queen are wondering if there is some shred of truth to this whole February theory, because it just seems like too much of a coinky-dink not to be true. But, alas, this is March. You know. March? The month in which the Princess Queen has a propensity for conceiving? Which means the Handsome Prince, it is his turn to be a Cranky McCrankyperson because he ain’t getting any, errrrmmm… snuggling. Not a chance in H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. No babies in December ever again. Not gonna do it.