Things I Will Find Out Before I Die


December 18, 2007 by Marj Hatzell

Why does my husband blow his nose in the shower?

Why do husbands act like they are starving to death if they don’t have, erm, relations with their wives once a week (at minimum.  They also act like this the day AFTER they’ve just had relations. Inconceivable!)?

What does Bugaboo’s voice sound like?

Why does Bugaboo put on sweat pants with footy pajamas on and then top it off with swim trunks?

Why does Bug Boy think the rules are going to change each and every morning?  No electronics on school days means NO ELECTRONICS ON SCHOOL DAYS.   Yes, even TODAY!

Why does my dog act like she hasn’t gone on a walk in a year when it has been a mere twelve hours?  And why does she INSIST on grabbing the leash with her teeth in an attempt to walk herself, thereby chewing through the THIRD LEASH IN A MONTH?

How many times do I need to fill out the SAME FORM for the primary insurance company, notifying them of the boys’ secondary insurance?

Why am I nervous about organizing a one-hour winter party at Bug Boy’s school?  They are SEVEN.

Why did I consume and entire piece of cheesecake last night?  Do I have NO WILLPOWER?

Why does my dog act like she is dying when she wants to go outside, only to act like she is dying when she wants to come back in fifteen seconds later?

Is my husband ever going to get over his car obsession?  Are we always going to be looking at cars?  Do we need to buy one EVERY FRICKIN’ YEAR?

Will I ever get over my fear of talking on the phone to people I do not know or am I doomed to a lifetime of practicing conversations in my head for a few days before I call?

Where has my motivation to exercise gone?

Why can’t all husbands be as handy as mine?

Why can’t I find a pair of REAL LEATHER boots (oh be quiet, I know they come from animals!) for under $200?


3 thoughts on “Things I Will Find Out Before I Die

  1. Trace says:

    Darling want relations even when he has to work late and deal w/the stress of said work? WOW, Sweetness stays far away when he feels mega stressed about work and just wants to vegetate in front of the TV or his computer.

    And yes, you will hear Bugaboo’s voice some day just not as soon as you would like. As for the clothing thing…I guess it makes sense to him? Maybe offers some kind comfort?

    Exercise? I’ve been slowing down too. I thought it was because it is DARK when I leave in the morning and DARK when I get home at night. I hate the cold weather because it makes me want to hunker down w/a blanket and a cup of tea. Not exercise. Alas, I’m struggling w/it…see blog post.

    And finally, our mind does tend to wander. I always think about similarly goofy things.

  2. Rachel says:

    Why do I keep expecting to accomplish any housework around the house when I’m in charge of the kids? I tried to take ONE load of laundry all the way to the washer and was interrupted by each child with something they DESPARATELY needed right then. But they couldn’t ask me all at the same time – oh no – I helped one child, picked up the basket again, got the request from the second child, put down the basket, etc.

    Why ask why?

  3. Anjali says:

    He blows his nose in the shower because it’s very effective if you’re congested. The steam from the shower loosens the mucus considerably, and it’s easier to just do it in the shower than come out, and grab a tissue.

    That’s one off your list!

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