The Queen of All Procrastination

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November 8, 2007 by Marj Hatzell

pro·cras·ti·nate [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh] Pronunciation KeyShow IPA Pronunciation verb, -nat·ed, -nat·ing. –verb (used without object)

1. to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)

2. to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

Does this sound familiar to anyone here? Anyone? Anyone? BUELLER?

Oh fine, I’ll admit it. It’s meeeeeeeee…

Yes, I am the Queen of procrastination. The Heir to the Throne of I’ll Do It Tomorrow. I’ve got my lists, I know what I have to do and the general stuff does near completion at some point in the day. Just don’t ask me to go over and above. I have been in the house for over two years. Have I sanded the joint compound? WE HAVE PAINT IN THE BASEMENT WAITING TO GO ON THE WALLS. Have we hung the towel bar in the powder room? THERE IS A TOWEL BAR IN THE CLOSET WAITING TO GO UP.

Please don’t ask me about the marble in the garage. As in, two bathroom floors worth of radient heat. As in, several hundred dollars sitting out there, stacked next to the firewood. Next to the fall bulbs I was gonna plant two years ago. And last year. And this year. And what do you know! FROST! I might get lucky and be able to plant them this week, otherwise another year has been lost.

Since it is clearly manic phase (no, I am not making light of my probable but minor bipolar. I’m just owning up to it.) I had plans to hit the Y with the old people and beef cakes but decided that since I am going away this weekend it MUST BE THE PERFECT TIME TO GUT MY WHOLE HOUSE. You know, because my brother and sister (who have seen my house at the best and worst it has been) are going to be here with my kids so I have to impress them and actually put away my bill pile, rearrange my linen closet, sort the snacks on the pantry shelf and cull magazines and circulars. Because they won’t stay here unless I do. It’s that important (Please read the above and note the sarcasm). Here’s what I’ve gotten done in an hour and I’m just getting started:

My poor house plants were finally brought in this morning. Two good frosts and they are looking worse for wear. Poor defenseless plants and they are barely alive (incidentally, this should make the husband happy. He lerves green things. NOT.). Sheesh. We shall see how the Queen Mother fares. She’s barely hanging on these days.

I cleaned out the coat closet. I put away the soccer gear (yeah! It’s over!) and the swimming stuff. Yes, you read that right. I put away the swimming stuff. As in, the floaties, goggles, towels and beach bag. As in, it’s November. Why are you surprised? I told you I procrastinate.

I went through my paper pile. Two months of school papers, important mail (oops) and notes from teachers. I found batteries. I found a CD. I found three calculators. I found medical reports. I did not find money.

I did room rescues in all rooms. Bug Boy can put his own books away later, thankyouverymuch. But I picked up, placed things in the correct rooms and decluttered. Go me!

I culled magazines and newspapers. We keep the papers for the fireplace but the ole glossy mags don’t burn well so OUT THEY GO. I am embarassed to admit that there were Christmas Catalogues in there. From 2005.

I bagged up three bags for Goodwill. Three bags. Two weeks ago I sent two bags. Where does this stuff come from? The clutter fairies? The garbage goblins? Please enlighten me. Too. Much. Stuff.

Fifteen minutes are up. Back to work…

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