Y’all are Assuming That She USES the Dog House


October 29, 2007 by Marj Hatzell

Just so we are clear, the proximity of the doghouse to the garden (right next to it, because we had this bright idea it would keep the dog next door from getting under the fence into the garden. It did not keep the dog next door from getting under the fence into the garden) has absolutely no correlation to what may or may not be on the tomatoes, since the inside of the doghouse has never actually seen a canine. Many man hours were wasted building it, only to be used as a hiding place for Bugaboo. Even if it is pouring, Shadow’s all, “You expect me to go in THERE? What planet are you living on? I have nine more hours of sleep to catch up on before bedtime!” So no worries, mates. No doggie near the garden unless there are cucumbers growing in it (which they were at one time, and the little bastidge squirrels ate them all). In fact, since my dog is also autistic, I will have you know she is extremely ritualistic and only tinkles in one spot and then her doggie piles are only ever done in another. She also walks around the block ONLY on the left side (and we can ONLY walk a certain route each time), she knows which part of our day is taking place by whether or not I am putting shoes on and must greet the free doggie treats mailman at the front door at precisely eleven thirty each morning. If I accidentally miss the mailman placing the mail in the actual mailbox (because, I usually get it handed to me, since the queen is already patiently sitting on the front porch wagging her tail and doing her best I’m-a-starving-but-eighty-pound-border-collie-mix-impersonation) we must then proceed to the backyard, where she waits at the corner of the yard for the mailman to go by the side yard where she begs for the treat. Sometimes she gets one at both locations. She’s spoiled and quite convincing in the starving-dog method. Even though she’s not skinny…

One thought on “Y’all are Assuming That She USES the Dog House

  1. BOSSY says:

    Oh lord, these dogs. Why *do* we do this to ourselves?

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