September 20, 2007 by Marj Hatzell
It’s time for another pop quiz! Guess what major crisis DG had this morning and you win a prize! A FABULOUS award!
a) DG’s crisis is that she has gotten no sleep in three days, due to the fact that Bugaboo has Pneumonia. He was up all night long, thrashing, running a fever and miserable. The little bastitch fell asleep at 5ish, just before the frickin alarm…
b) The crisis is that DG went to the Home and School meeting last night, talked to a few people and made a complete arse out of herself. One of the teachers misunderstood what DG was joking about and stated that, “I can’t answer that. We have confidentiality agreements. I cannot tell you if she was a former student of mine.” Uh, ooooookaaaay.
c) The REAL crisis is that DG found herself volunteering for just about everything at said Home and School meeting (but not Homeroom parent! GO ME!), from pouring drinks at tonight’s school picnic to being an art volunteer. Yeah, because DG’s one artistic chick. I mean, JUST LOOK at that header she designed all by herself! With MS Paint! And it took two days!
d) The crisis is that Bugaboo is uncooperative when it comes to taking his antibiotic and loathes the nebulizer. DG is just worried that he is drowning in his own lung fluid. Forget the fact that he isn’t wheezing and his ribs are no longer sucking in. Oh, and his ears and nose stopped running.
e) DG sat down with her THIRD cup of tea this morning to find that when she opened Outlook Express that the server wouldn’t respond. She opened the internet (Firefox. Do yourself a favor and do what the computer geeks do. Ditch IE!) and it gave her a 404 error. She nearly had a heart attack, rebooted the modem(s), rebooted the computer, banged on things, screamed, cursed, scared Bugaboo when he reached for the on/off button and then called her husband in tears, complaining that he wasn’t being sympathetic to her plight because she is STUCK IN THE HOUSE and her only link to the outside world (because, you know, the tv and phone are soooooo last week) wasn’t working and that he didn’t care because he has internet at work and gets to talk to people all day, even though he is being paid to do it. He tried to be nice but she was being totally
loony premenstrual psychotic sleep-deprived irrational. He suggested she get a nap with Bugaboo and it is a good thing he was twenty miles away (an hour with Blue Route traffic) because the hairy eyeball she would have given him no doubt would have included a laser beam that melted off his man parts because she was that annoyed at the fact that her husband got at least seven hours of sleep last night and had the audacity to suggest that it is that easy to get Bugaboo to sleep, never mind the fact that if he takes more than a twenty-minute nap he will be up until at least midnight and then DG will be down FOUR nights of decent sleep.
f) Crisis? You want a crisis? DG IS OUT OF POTATOES AND MACARONI AND CHEESE! How’s that for a crisis?
Time’s up! Reveal your answer. If you answered a,b, c, d or f, give yourself a pat on the back. You are wrong. If you answered e, you must be related to me. Here’s your prize, Dino Boy’s Mom:
A limited-edition, one-of-a-kind-original MS Paint masterpiece by yours truly. It’s gonna be worth a ton of money someday. You don’t have to thank me. What is it? Why, it’s me before I’ve finished my three cups of English Breakfast Tea. Don’t you see the resemblance? The bags under the eyes? The spotless house behind me? C’MON! Visualize! FEEL IT!