September 4, 2007 by Marj Hatzell
One point for each correct answer, keep your eyes on your own work. You have ten minutes!
1. Describe your home’s current (meaning, right this second) state of cleanliness. Or lack thereof.
a) It’s a little messy, but cut me a break! I’m busy!
b) My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.
c) It’s so spotless in here we should have velvet ropes for when the tour starts.
d) Um…let’s just say I’m the main subject on Oprah’s next OCD show. But I know I have a copy of that…in this pile…or that one over there, or the one…oh! Here it is!
e) Pretty darn good, thanks to Flylady.
2. Your method of shopping at Tarzhay.
a) I start downstairs in cleaning products, work in a counter-clockwise fashion and end up in housewares, where I peruse the clearance racks. Hubster thinks it is OCD but it isn’t! I just need to be organized! And don’t touch my list!
b) I walk around aimlessly with no list, buy a bunch of crud I don’t need, spend two hours in there and end up having to buy lunch there because I’m so hungry. I’m telling you this from the emergency room because I just got food poisoning from that hotdog.
c) I have a well-written list, hit the main places and get the heck out. I don’t have time to browse.
d) Tarzhay? Where’s that?
e) What are you talking about? I LIVE THERE.
3. Your feelings about the first day of school.
a) FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S GOOD AND HOLY! THANK YOU! THAN YOU!
b) Sniff, sniff! I know it’s for the best but I miss them already.
c) We started homeschooling today and I am already ready to wring their cursed little necks.
d) We homeschool and it is going great, we don’t stop over the summer
e )I’m a teacher and while I’m happy to be back at work, WHERE THE HECK DID THE SUMMER GO?
a) Um, er…it’s a sport. With guys. Big ones. And some of them wear red, and some wear blue…Oh, and why the hell do they where those damned white pants. UGH!
b) I never miss a game. The husband and I plan on making dinner that we can eat on the couch while we watch the game. We even watch our Alma Mater! WE ARE!
c) I BLEED green.
d) I watch once in a while, when I get a chance.
e) PLEASE don’t make me sit and watch that. I’d rather watch figure skating. Or paint dry. Let’s just say I’m the only one in the stores on Super Bowl Sunday.
5. How I feel about celebs and rehab
a) *Eye roll*
b) Spoiled brats. They deserve to go to jail. They get special treatment. It isn’t fair! If it were me, I’d have been locked up ages ago! Must be nice to have that kind of money to buy justice.
c) I read it ALL on Perez Hilton and TMZ!
d) It’s a shame that just because they are famous the papparazzi thinks they can follow them endlessly and invade their privacy. No wonder they end up the way they do, how would you feel if you were followed like that?
e) I have no idea who qualifies as a celebrity. I haven’t followed that stuff since Dallas ended and Burt and Lonie split up.
a) EWWW! Dear heavens, NO!
b) I’m a cat person. Can’t you tell from the black sweater I’m wearing? It’s covered in white hair.
c) I love dogs. The eat off my plate and sleep in my bed. I’m beginning to talk in dog-speak and smell like them.
d) I have well-behaved and well-trained pets. Just don’t ask me to empty a cat box, mmkay?
e) I like pets, but other people’s. I don’t have time for them or I’m allergic. I like to visit and leave.
7. How you feel about your children
a) I would have sold them to the gypsies long ago if it were legal.
b) I’m happy without them, thankyouverymuch!
c) Anxiously waiting! Can’t wait to be a parent!
d) Best job I’ve ever had in my life. Of course, I’m saying that while they are at school. You don’t wanna know the answer when they come home hungry, dirty, tired and starting their homework.
e) I love being a parent. I just wish he’d leave that frickin’ diaper on so I don’t have to steam my carpets, change the sheets or mop the floor so often, you know? Oh, and the running down the middle of the street nekkid? Yeah, that could go.
8. Holiday shopping
a) Only fifteen more weeks until Christmas!
b) I write a list, stay organized, only get what I have to and buy everything on sale. I’ll get up at 6am just to get it all done the way I want to.
c) I’m usually done by October. And most people want to wring my neck because of it.
d) I am usually out on Christmas Eve because I’m so unorganized. I even wait until the 26th when things are on sale because I know I won’t see some people until the 27th or so and…what’s that? They ARE coming the 24th? ACK! Quick! I gotta get to Walmart and find a candle or something!
e) Bah Humbug!
9. Television watching
a) I watch a few shows here and there, pick up mid-season on Grey’s anatomy and watch the reruns in the summer when I have more time.
b) SHUSH! My favorite show(s) is coming on!
c) I never watch tv, you uneducated heathen! Read a frickin’ book!
d) I wish I could chuck it out the window sometimes but it comes in handy on rainy days and sick days.
e) Fall previews are coming up. I watch all the popular shows. I am obsessed with Dancing with the Stars and American Idol. Oh, and Clay is NOT GAY!
10. You car’s cleanliness
a) I wash it once in a while. It isn’t too bad and I’m not terribly embarassed when other people are in there.
b) I live out of my car. See those french fries? They were from dinner in July. 2005.
c) They are gonna haul it away as unfit for human habitation because it’s so bad that when I open the doors all kinds of stuff falls out. And for some reason someone wrote “Wash me! PLEASE!” In the dirt on the hood.
d) I go through the drive-through car wash and pick up the trash in there about once a week.
e) The husband spends all day (meaning, twelve hours) on Saturdays doing a three-step wax process, detailing the rims, using Simple green on the interior, vacuuming every crevice and shampooing the floor mats. In the minivan. You know, the car that the kids ride in all day and get their dirty little finger prints all over? Yeah, not much point, huh?
By the way, I was school supply shopping and I cannot for the love of Pete find mucilage. I don’t actually wanna buy it, I was just wondering if people still use it…